Masks and sleepless nights

Well, it’s day…….I have no idea. It’s day something. I’m lonelier than I expected, and quite frankly, this is some bullshit.

By some actual miracle, the kids and I are still symptom free and I am still testing negative. So any complaints I make, just know that it’s worth it to keep them (and me) safe from this.

But shit, do I feel alone. I haven’t touched my husband in days. I haven’t slept, because I can’t sleep alone. And the only way I can fall asleep is with him holding me. Obviously, since he has Covid, that isn’t happening.

Last night I said to him “I miss you, I wish you could hold me. But don’t touch me”. And he said, through his mask, that he was holding me in spirit. Ugh. I just want this all to go away.

I hate seeing him be sick and miserable. My mom and my husband seem to have gotten hit pretty hard. My dad hasn’t felt too terrible, which I’m glad about. But this whole thing is just…it’s rough. Out of all of the people in my household, the 3 highest risk, me and the kids, so far didn’t get it. Seeing my mom and my husband be as sick as they are makes me even more worried for all of the “what ifs” I’ve been so worried about all these years.

I don’t have therapy tonight like I usually do, and I’m really bummed about that. To be honest, the timing of this does seemed to have worked out, because I probably would have had to end up cancelling out of precaution, so I’m glad I didn’t have to make that choice and it was already a week that she wasn’t here.

It seems like my mom and husband are starting to feel better today, thankfully, but we’re still trying to all stay away.

I’m lonely, I feel isolated, and I just feel lousy. I’m not sick, but this isn’t exactly the last few weeks of “normalcy” I had in mind before the baby is born.

I’m definitely starting to show some signs of labor, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he was born within the next 2 weeks.

Honestly, as long as I don’t get Covid and he isn’t born into a cesspool of germs and horror, I’ll be fine. As long as everyone just stays safe and healthy…that’s all I want.

Even if right now sucks, I know it could be worse.

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