There is too much pain in this world. There is too much suicide, too much loneliness, too much isolation.
Yet another person I have grown very close to over the past few years has taken their own life, and frankly, it’s devastating.
I don’t know how to put into words how I’m feeling right now other than just…broken.
This WordPress community, well, it’s just that. It’s a community. We write, we share our stories, we read about each others lives and we support each other. At least, that’s how I use it. I’ve grown to care, legitimately, about those I’ve interacted with in my 2 years of blogging here.
No matter what we are all going through, we need to show up for each other.
I am sick of losing friends. I’m sick of the people that I love and care about feeling so hopeless and being in so much pain that they end their own lives.
I’m feeling angry at them for leaving. Sad because I fucking miss them, and just so hurt.
I’m feeling a lot of things right now, and none of them are good. I am no stranger to my own suicidal feelings, so I do certainly understand her pain and her struggle. The feelings that you have to go through to get to that point…where you feel like you truly have no other option.
Whoever is reading this, you are not alone. My comments section is open to you, my email is open to you, please, just reach out.
More than once, a WordPress follower has become more than that. I’ve formed real and true relationships with so many of you, and now we’ve lost one of our own. One that I know a lot of you know.
No one did anything wrong in her death, it was no one’s fault, and not one of us could have done anything differently.
But we do need to continue supporting one another. Because I am sick of losing friends. And that’s just what she was…a true friend.
I am here to support you. I will continue reading, commenting, and supporting you. And I thank you for showing up for me in the same way as well.
Today, I’m hurting. I probably will be for a long time. This is a very real grief, and I’m sorry that it ended up this way. I wish I could have done more.
I wish it mattered. It shouldn’t have ended this way.
I truly am devastated. Our friendship went beyond the bounds of WordPress, and I will really miss her.
They say suicide is contagious.
I understand why. The pain doesn’t end, it just transfers.
I would say I hope she’s in a better place now, but I know she didn’t want that. She just wanted it to be over. She wanted to go to a place of nothingness.
I hope her pain has ended.
But I wish it ended in a different way.
This fucking hurts.
We need to support each other.