Red flags

My body is throwing up some red flags.

At this point, I can either continue to ignore them and face the consequences that will follow, or I can slow down and listen.

My anxiety has become more physical than ever, and I feel like I’m going to explode from the inside out. I’m short, I’m edge…things don’t feel like they should. Depression is taking over and trying to convince me that I don’t belong here.

I’m no stranger to these sort of feelings. They come at the worst of times, a reminder and a threat to myself to simply just stop. To take a step back, to focus on the problem, to take care of myself.

I often don’t listen to these obvious red flags. I ignore them, I look the other way, and I hope they’ll just go away. But they never do, and I always end up paying the price.

I’ve felt this coming for a while, and I’ve neglected to do anything about it. But now we’re at the point where it’s nearly too late.

I am not feeling good. My body and my mind are now showing me that I’ve pushed it too far, and I need to do something different.

The dark demons are creeping in, convincing me to isolate and withdraw. Telling me to drink the feelings away, to run and hide.

I know I need to do better. But when I feel this way, when I feel too far gone, too alone, to broken…I just don’t know how.

I feel worthless and hopeless. These are my red flags. They’ve been up for a while. I’ve been starting to feel this way again for a little while now.

I need to do something different…but I don’t know what that is.

4 thoughts on “Red flags”

  1. Hugs! I have been in that place as well. What has helped me has been to do ANYTHING different, no matter what it is. You are seeing those thoughts for what they are. Right now, you are not fully buying into them. Look for the positives. Look for the ways you have grown and the things you are doing differently this time. You can do this–of that, I have no doubt.

    1. Thank you. You’re right, I need to do SOMETHING different. I just don’t know what that is. But I will keep looking for the positives. Things definitely could be worse.

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