No thank you, exhaustion. Not today.

Another day has started way too early. Admittedly, last night wasn’t the worst night we’ve ever had with the baby…but even a bad night is hard to handle. When the nights are sleepless day after day, it tends to pile on and build up.

Last night the baby had a rough night, as I expected he might. His reflux seemed to be bothering him during the day and napped much less because of it. So I knew his night might be bad. He woke up a few times, and when he woke up at 2am, he didn’t go back to sleep for a few hours. So that’s means I was up, again, for a few hours.


It’s during these times, these late middle of the night stretches of being awake, that body feels like it’s going to just shut down. I actually feel unsafe handling a baby when I’m so tired that my motor skills shut down. It’s pretty rough.

All I want to do right now is tell my husband to take our 2 older boys and get out. I’m exhausted, I don’t want to deal with anyone today. I wish I could just kick everyone out of the house and just spend the day sleeping. Or drinking coffee. Or both.

I don’t feel like I can keep going with this level of exhaustion. It’s not just waking up at night, it’s the staying awake for hours at a time that’s getting to me.

My mental health is struggling, I feel awful physically…. This is just a really rough season right now.

I know the sleeplessness is more or less temporary, but that doesn’t make it any less difficult to manage in the moment.

I’m glad I have therapy tomorrow. Frankly, any amount of time I can take for myself right now is pretty invaluable.

I don’t know what today will bring. But for everyone’s sake…I hope it at least brings a little bit of rest and quiet.

I just can’t keep going at this level. No one can be this strong without breaking forever.

6 thoughts on “No thank you, exhaustion. Not today.”

  1. My husband bought “Hunt for Red October” and decided that we would watch it together on the next long wake-up when my daughter was a baby. We popped popcorn and snuggled up on the couch with our little fuss budget. 😉 Hope you find some rest today!

  2. Sleep deprivation is literally used as a form of torture in prison camps. It’s terrible! And even if it’s normal and temporary with a newborn, it’s so hard to endure! At least with the first baby, you can sleep when the baby goes, but now you have other children who need you even when the baby sleeps. It’s rough! Please ask for help—your husband, parents or in-laws, friends, anyone who might give you even a couple of hours respite. You deserve that! 💜👶🍼🥱💤

    1. It’s been so awful 😞 I don’t mind waking up to feed him…but staying awake for hours afterwards every night is killing me. I definitely need to ask for some help before this gets worse 😜

      1. I remember when my younger son was a baby. I didn’t have three at home like you, only two, but my older son was only 2 1/2 and my husband at the time didn’t think it was his job to help. My younger son at about 3-4 months went through weeks of wanting to nurse every 45 minutes or so. I couldn’t never get any deep sleep, and I couldn’t nap during the day. I thought I would lose my mind! One night though a friend spend the night and fed the baby expressed milk from a bottle. I think it was hard on her, but it did me a lot of good. And also at some point I gave up on the bassinette and just took him into bed with me so I could sleep while he nursed. Maybe that wouldn’t work with all babies, but thankfully it mostly worked with him.

      2. That sounds soo hard. Being sleep deprived really is brutal. I’m glad you had that friend!!! Yeah, sometimes waking my husband up just so he can take him for a few minutes is helpful. At least I can lay down knowing that he’s safe with someone else and that I’m not just ignoring him.
        I wouldn’t mind nursing him to sleep, but he spits up SO much and if I overfeed him it just makes that process worse. Then he’s wet, the bed is wet…yeah. It’s a mess 😩🤣.

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