Another day has started way too early. Admittedly, last night wasn’t the worst night we’ve ever had with the baby…but even a bad night is hard to handle. When the nights are sleepless day after day, it tends to pile on and build up.
Last night the baby had a rough night, as I expected he might. His reflux seemed to be bothering him during the day and napped much less because of it. So I knew his night might be bad. He woke up a few times, and when he woke up at 2am, he didn’t go back to sleep for a few hours. So that’s means I was up, again, for a few hours.
It’s during these times, these late middle of the night stretches of being awake, that body feels like it’s going to just shut down. I actually feel unsafe handling a baby when I’m so tired that my motor skills shut down. It’s pretty rough.
All I want to do right now is tell my husband to take our 2 older boys and get out. I’m exhausted, I don’t want to deal with anyone today. I wish I could just kick everyone out of the house and just spend the day sleeping. Or drinking coffee. Or both.
I don’t feel like I can keep going with this level of exhaustion. It’s not just waking up at night, it’s the staying awake for hours at a time that’s getting to me.
My mental health is struggling, I feel awful physically…. This is just a really rough season right now.
I know the sleeplessness is more or less temporary, but that doesn’t make it any less difficult to manage in the moment.
I’m glad I have therapy tomorrow. Frankly, any amount of time I can take for myself right now is pretty invaluable.
I don’t know what today will bring. But for everyone’s sake…I hope it at least brings a little bit of rest and quiet.
I just can’t keep going at this level. No one can be this strong without breaking forever.