Life is hard, but support is great.

Every now and then, you have a night that inspires progress.

Last night was one of those nights.

Also known as…a hard night.

The kind of night where the alcohol hit hard, and my brain and body just kind of…turned off.

The weird thing is, I didn’t drink that much more than usual. But I haven’t been eating, and I haven’t been sleeping. And I think just that combination has my body just completely done.

My kids woke me up at 4:30 again this morning, and it’s just…it’s unacceptable. I FINALLY got the baby sleeping through the night, just so my 4 year old can wake up the whole damn house. It has me feeling a certain type of way. I’ll leave it at that.

Today I’m feeling exhausted and just so, so overwhelmed with the idea that I have to, not only function today, but actually take care of other human beings. Such as my children. There should be some kind of rule that moms get a day to sleep when their ruthless kids have them getting less than 4 hours of sleep a night for weeks on end. But…moving on.

Despite nearly all aspects of my life being complete shit and out of my control right now, I’m actually feeling….kind of supported. Which I don’t think is something I’ve ever said before.

Therapy is going well, which is obviously great and helpful and not something that I take for granted.

My husband is…he’s doing the best he can. I’d say we’re more supporting each other than him specifically supporting me.

My Lesser Buddy over in the Netherlands has been an amazing support lately, too. We talk every night (or morning, for her) and we help support each other through our addictions. Hers to food, and mine to alcohol. We struggle with different things, but the loneliness of addiction doesn’t discriminate. And her support has been really amazing lately. Just to have a friend to talk to who I feel like truly doesn’t judge me for anything. I appreciate her a lot. You should check out her blog, too. I linked one of her posts above.

And my best friend. I don’t talk about her enough, but she’s been my biggest supporter since day 1. We’ve literally been in each others lives since first grade. So, over 20 years now. We talk pretty much every day. Sometimes about our adorable babies (human or animal), sometimes about more serious things, but I always feel better after talking to her. Whether it’s sharing a cute video or picture or milestone, or just checking in because I’m having a hard day. I can always count on her to be there.

Having support is everything. It’s something I offer to those in my life freely, but it isn’t something I usually feel. I usually give more than I have to offer, and don’t reach out, or allow others to support me. There’s nothing worse than reaching out or asking for help…only to not receive it.

It means something. It’s the reason I started this blog, too. To write about things that maybe other people could relate to. And it’s turned into a community that I really love. And that I’ve made some genuine friendships from.

Life is hard. And exhausting. But having support makes me feel like I can hang in for another day.

Anyway, this is my view right now. As hard as my life is right now, as tired as I am…it’s hard to feel anything but peace when he looks up and smiles at me.