Inviting people in

I saw a post on Facebook yesterday that basically emphasized the importance of letting people in.

Letting people in even though the house is messy. Even though things aren’t perfect. Even if you haven’t “prepared”.

I can see the importance of that. Not allowing the clutter or the lived in to shut down connection and company from others.

And that’s valid. That’s very valid.

But, then, yesterday, my kids physical therapist said she wanted to come to this house this Friday (tomorrow) to do a session with all 3 kids. Meaning, she’ll be at my house for 3 hours on Friday. We don’t typically do home health sessions, but she really wanted to have some makeup visits since she just recently visited Germany and missed a few weeks.

To put it in her words when it comes to Atlas, my 7.5 month old… “he needs this”.

So, she’s coming to my house on Friday.

And I’m sitting here thinking about that post. About letting people in.

I didn’t want her to come here this week. Despite the fact that we’ve been working with her nearly every day for the past 5 and a half years, and that she’s been here countless times…I feel sort of ashamed about my current state of living.

The kids have toys. Fucking EVERYWHERE. And they don’t love cleaning up. So sometimes I rage clean and just throw things out. Sometimes, surfaces can be hard to find.

This morning, I found myself doing a deep decluttering. Preparing my home to invite someone in.

And to be honest, it needs it. While the public spaces of the house are mostly kept organized and clutter free, the kitchen and bathrooms spotless…my bedroom is another story. My bedroom kind of becomes the catch all for shit. For everything. Clean clothes don’t get hung up and put away in the closet, they stay in a pile on my ottoman.

My kids throw the things they don’t know what to do with in here. My husband doesn’t really know what to do or how to help, and his attempt to clean is just to move clutter around. It’s like 5 peoples accumulation of shit in 1 bedroom. Not to mention all the baby stuff.

My room is messy. Clean, but messy. Cluttered. And I hate it.

So, I decided enough is enough, and I want to change that.

My goal is that, tomorrow, when my kids therapist comes, I’m not going to be embarrassed. My room is going to be something that I’m not ashamed of.

My goal, is that when she comes, I’ll leave my bedroom door open. It won’t be some secret room of shame and mess.

Again, to be clear, things are always clean. I absolutely cannot stand dirtiness. Or smells. And god forbid my floors have crumbs or dust or anything on them. No.

But the things have encroached. And it’s got to change. Now. to be fair, it’s INCREDIBLY hard to do ANYTHING when my baby refusessssssssss to be put down. I have to hold him constantly. And it’s exhausting. But still, it needs to happen.

So, I’m inviting you in. This is my room now. In the state of being half cleaned, the declutter process has begun, shit has moved to the floor to be dealt with, and yeah. This is the start. This is where we begin.

Welcome to my secret room of shame and depression. Welcome to my actual worst nightmare.

2 thoughts on “Inviting people in”

    1. It’s just a lot. It’s too much and it hurts my brain and makes me feel like a failure. Thankfully it’s all contained in one room, unfortunately that happens to me by room…aka my “safe space”. 😂
      It does look a good bit better today. Hoping to get it where I want it over the weekend.
      But glad to know I’m not the only one with a depression room 😬🤣

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