Not all bad

The last few days have been kind of a whirlwind, but it hasn’t been all awful.

We let the older kids (6 and 4) sleep out for the first time ever last night. My husbands mom has been asking for a while, and I always say no. I didn’t want someone else watching them, I just wanted them in their own beds where I knew they’d be safe and I knew exactly what was going on.

But my husband and I have both been feeling this strong feeling that something needs to change. Something. If not for us, then for them. So I let them sleep at their grandmas house last night.

And it was amazing.

We dropped them off around 1pm. Then we (me, my husband and the baby) went and did…whatever we wanted. My husband got new shoes that he’s been wanting. Then we went to But Buy Baby and Bed Bath and Beyond and spent waaaaayyyyyy too much money. They are having massive store closing sales, so everything we got was 40-70% off.

So, really, we didn’t spend money. We SAVED money. (That’s how that works, right?)

When we went home. It was so nice to not have to worry about the bedtime routine and the nightly shit show that that is. All I had to do was take care of the baby!

And holy shit. Do you guys know how easy it is to just take care of 1 baby? Instead of a baby and 2 actual monsters??!

We cleaned out the toy box and purged some things I know the boys don’t play with anymore. Atlas had a fun time with that. My husband gave him a few things he found when I went into my bedroom for one minute….so, that was adorable

After I put the baby to bed, even though at that point, nothing would’ve been any different…the mental load of not having 2 of my kids there was significant.

Knowing that Phoenix, my absolute wild 4 year old, wouldn’t wake me up at 4am, knowing that I didn’t have to worry about breakfast or crying or anything loud or getting up at a certain time…it was so freaking freeing.

Yes, we still have Atlas (who did wake up 3 times last night 🙃), but he’s so simple. You meet his need, and he’s happy. He doesn’t have too much of an opinion on life so long as his belly is full and he is being held. (But god forbid you try to put him down…then he’s a grump for sure!)

This morning we’re continuing to clean up and go through toys. We ordered breakfast from First Watch which is on its way right now, and it’s just such a nice morning.

Doing what we want, and a slower and more quiet pace…actually eating breakfast?

What???

I never do that!

My husband and I smiled and actually enjoyed life yesterday and this morning. And that feeling…ugh. That’s everything.

I hate that I’m going away without him in a couple of weeks. I wish we were going together.

For now, I’m just grateful for these moments of quiet and mostly peace (looking at you, Atlas) and trying to be in the moment. We’ll have to go pick the kids up soon, and that’s a moment I’m not exactly looking forward to.

But first, breakfast. Because that’s something we haven’t done together in a long time…eat breakfast together.