Rolling with the punches….or not

Well…shit. I’m not even sure if I have the words tonight.

To put it simply….no, I guess I can’t even do that. It isn’t simple. Nothing is simple.

If today has proved anything to me, it’s that quite literally, nothing is simple.

My husband quit his job today.

Everything feels up in the air and uncertain and scary. And I simply do not thrive in a place of uncertainty and instability.

I’m closer to bad decisions tonight than I have been in…a good second anyway.

I just…I want to drink until the world stops turning.

Except for that I don’t.

Maybe I just want a hug.

Maybe I just want a pat on the head.

I just need to know that it’s going to be okay.

That something, anything, is going to be okay.

Because all I want to do right now, in this moment, is give up.

It’s all starting to feel just a little bit too hard.

I want to be reckless and impulsive and…whatever else.

If my husband gets to be, why can’t I?

If he can make big life changes, why can’t I?

I feel so alone and scared and….

I’m afraid of the decisions I’ll make in the face of insecurity and uncertainty.

Fucking terrified.

Let me be clear.

I am freaking out.

4 thoughts on “Rolling with the punches….or not”

    1. I wish I could. My brain has decided to pick stupid fights instead. Because it’s easier to push people away than admit I need love.
      Tonight is just hard. But I’m sure it will all be fine. 🩵

  1. It will be okay. Find some food pantries and social service organizations. Our food bank here even distributes fresh produce once a week! There were no questions asked, and it was lovely. Find out what supports are available, even if you don’t need them yet. I also asked for help in a moms’ group on Facebook (Moms of Galveston County…see if your county has one), and one lady left her leftovers on her porch for me every week. I think doing some research would help you feel better. And if he is going to take some time getting something new, get SNAP. You can have that 3 months before he would have to get a job. Anyway. Hugs and it will be okay!

    1. We have a small buffer financially to where I’m not freaking out about that yet…but he certainly can’t not be working for any amount of time. The scariest part is the unknown. He still needs to pass his licensing test and then get a job… which hopefully doesn’t take more than a few weeks 🥲🙃
      But yeah. I just hate being in a spot where I don’t know what comes next

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