Is this called progress?

In typical my blog fashion, we’re going to start the week off with another, some sort of, oh, Monday post.

My husband left the house to get some work done at 6am this morning, leaving me to get all the kids up and going by myself. That’s not a big deal, it’s something I do, and have done, for the majority of their entire lives.

But I have gotten used to him being home since he left his job…and it has been really nice to get my own work done in the mornings, while he makes their breakfast.

It’s the first Monday that’s actually felt like a Monday morning in a few weeks now.

Sharing the duties was not something that came easily or naturally to me. It actually caused a lot of fights and tension along the way. But eventually, I got SO overwhelmed and SO burnt out that I just…I had to relent. I had to give up some control and learn how to share the workload.

I am worried that I’ve gotten used to the help now. With my husband being home, I’ve definitely started relying on him. And while, yes, this morning is going (more or less) rather smoothly….I’m worried it’ll be like a shock to the system when he does eventually go back to work.

We’re both focusing heavily on our own projects now. Him with fitness and trying to change careers, now we have our YouTube channel that we’re both putting a lot of work into.

It’s been busy…but perhaps a good kind of busy?

Over the weekend, I worked really hard at transforming an area in my room that was overwhelmed with bullshit and depression, and turned it into a beautiful and usable space. Something I can actually be proud of.

I mean…seriously. Look at that? Look at how much better that is?

Yeah, it took days worth of work and effort…but holy moly. It’s actually a place you want to be, instead of the corner in the room you just don’t want to look at.

Depression has taken over so much of my life. And for maybe the first time…I feel like I’m trying so fucking hard to fight against it.

I’m, very quietly, drinking less. In a very don’t talk about it, don’t give it attention, kind of way…I’m trying.

I realized that my trip is coming up VERY quickly (just days away now), and I was extremely behind in where I hoped to be by now, in terms of drinking.

Let’s just say…I hoped to be past the point of hitting withdrawals by now.

Still, I’m drinking less. And that’s progress…and something to maybe be proud of. Or not. I don’t know.

I’m trying. I really am.

Maybe it’s easier to focus on myself and my own mental health with my husband being home and my own workload being significantly decreased. I actually have someone to help me, and that leaves me with some energy and motivation.

I’m glad I have therapy tonight. It feels like things…MIGHT….be moving in a better direction. (Unless it’s a false sense of security, and once my husband goes back to work, all shit hits the fan again…..)

But for now, I like this.

Less than a week until my vacation (and my birthday), trying to stay strong…drink (somewhat, a little bit) less…and just…surviving.

I’m surviving.

If you guys want to see the video where we show the entire transformation of that space, check it out here. It was a lot of work, but was incredibly rewarding in the end.