No means no

Getting my children to understand the idea that no means no is a bit like trying to teach a jellyfish how to dance.

It’s just…it’s not going to happen. No matter how many times I tell them that “no means no, and my answer isn’t going to change no matter how many times you ask”….the message just doesn’t sink in.

I guess we’re all a little bit like that. No one likes hearing “no”. And, as adults, I think we’ve all at some point or another tried to figure out how to turn a “no” into a “yes”.

Sometimes we force things that just…shouldn’t be. Like me, trying to buy this land. Every sign in the world has told me no. Yet I kept pushing. Kept trying. Kept moving forward. I forced the no into a yes, and we’re due to close on September 1st. That will leave me with a solid few hundred dollars in my bank account…and to be honest, it still feels like a “no”. It feels like the world is threatening me…juuuust a little.

That’s just one example.

I’m having a hard time accepting my life right now. Raising 3 kids with a significant genetic disorder and all the bullshit that that comes with is…well, it’s fucking exhausting. The obvious physical limitations, and everything else that we’re learning along the way.

I’m frustrated with how things are going, and everything feels hard. I’m sick of my kids not listening the first time when I tell them “no” (I know there’s a degree of normalcy to this, but I’m tired of it nonetheless).

I feel like my boundaries aren’t being respected. By anyone. I know I wrote about boundaries yesterday, and I guess it continues to be a theme.

But when I say no. Repeatedly. And my 6 year old acts like I lit the house on fire, killed all his best friends, and told him he could never see the light of day again…I mean I’m just sick of the drama and the tantrums and cleaning up throw up because he gets himself so damn worked up.

Like, child, if you DONT WANT CONSEQUENCES can you PLEASE just follow the rules?

Sorry, I guess this has turned into a venting post.

They decided to wake up at 3:30am yesterday, so when my son got home from school, he was clearly overtired and it was just…*sigh*. It was a night.

I don’t like when my boundaries are tested over and over and over again, no matter how consistent I am.

To be honest, I think we’re dealing with an ODD diagnosis with my 6 year old. Which is…it sucks. But it’s ok. It is what it is.

But today is a new day.

My son is off at school, and I’m at home with the 2 younger ones. My 4 year old who INSISTS on giving me a hug while I’m using the bathroom or showering (have we talked about boundaries lately), and my 10 month old who refuses to be put down and uses me as a human pacifier.

I love them. I do. All of them.

But holy shit, and I just a little bit tired.

My trips could not be coming at a better time.