It only takes a second.

Everything can be going fine. Standard. Just a normal night.

A regular, quiet night, after a typically long day.

But it only takes one thing. One moment for things to change.

To go from a decent, even good mood…to a horrible one.

Bad things happen. For some of us, more often than others it seems.

I’ve been having a lot of bad days lately, but, par for the course when you’re a stay at home parent to 3 children with significant special needs.

Bad days? Like I said. Par for the course.

But it’s the moments.

The moments of the unexpected.

Something out of the ordinary happens.

The night immediately shifts. And I want to die.

So I came inside. Started blasting (quietly blasting, I still have 3 sleeping kids) my favorite music to numb the pain.

I’m writing instead of DOWNING my drink. I’m still trying to cut back.

My husband is dealing with the issue that I simply walked away from. I couldn’t handle the pain, so I walked away, and he knew what that meant.

I came inside. And I started writing. And blasting music.

The plan, as of 20 minutes ago, was to play Beat Saber (in our Meta Quest 2 headsets. Is that the most up to date name? Who the fuck knows.)

But then that moment happened, and the whole night shifted. Obviously, I want to drink it away, and get so fucked up that pain doesn’t even have the OPTION to infiltrate my fragile little heart and soul.

Maybe the better option is to have music literally blasting in my headset and getting emotions out in a more physical way. But I’m honestly just too tired now. And I don’t care. Or want to have fun. Or smile.

I’m upset. I’ll leave you with a picture from a few nights ago because, if I have to be slightly miserable, I might as well also embarrass myself with a beautiful picture. (seriously, I hate this picture. I promise my face isn’t nearly as smushed in reality as this headset is making it seem 🙄)

Here’s to shitty ass nights.

And to only getting REASONABLY fucked up.

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