In for a loooooong day.

This morning, we’re off bright and early to drive to Dallas.

Let me be real blunt here.

I freaking HATE driving to Dallas. I’m like…89% sure I’m going to crash and die every single time. It isn’t my favorite.

Today, I’ll have 2/3 kids with me. Christian, my 6 year old, has his cardiac “heart failure” appointment. He has 2 cardiologists. One local to us, and an even more specialized one a few hours away. I’ll also have to take the baby. Thankfully, I could convince my parents to watch my 4 year old, because I don’t think he’d enjoy being dragged around for 5 hours of driving and at least 2 hours of appointments. I don’t think the baby will either….but hey. I’ll take what I can get.

And SPEAKING of my parents. We all know by now that Monday night is my therapy night, right?

Well…TONIGHT…guess who’s coming with me?

Go ahead, guess.

Nope, not my husband!

My dad.

We’ve been talking about it in therapy jokingly for years. Because we can be so dysfunctional at times and it just…yeah. It’s rough. He’s my children’s third parent. At least, in his head he is. And I just do not love that.

So…that’s my day today. Leaving at 7am to drive to a 9:45 appointment. By myself. My husband isn’t coming this time, despite me literally begging him to drive us.

Then therapy at 6pm, for 2 hours…with my freaking dad.

We have an extremely tumultuous relationship. And he’s already “warned” me that he “isn’t going to be nice” and “may embarrass me in front of my therapist”. Lol whatever. I’ve literally degraded myself in front of her more than another person ever could.

So let him have at it. Let him tell her EVERYTHING that I do wrong. Because ALL I do is wrong, and I don’t ever do anything good or helpful or productive or loving or…ya know. Anything positive.

(Can you tell I’m not nervous for tonight at all?!?!?)

I’m more worried (not worried exactly, maybe nervous is a better word? Anxious about? Unsure of what will come?) from therapy tonight with my dad, then of my sons EXTREMELY important cardio appointment.

That, right there, says a lot.

Please just hope and pray or whatever it is that you do that I don’t literally kill all of us on the drive there and back today, because I can assure you, it is incredibly anxiety provoking for me.

I’m prepared for the worst case scenario of hearing the words “heart failure” and “medication” and “cardiac MRI”. I’m prepared for that. Honestly, I’m expecting it.

But I’m not prepared for my therapist hating me a little bit more, because my dad has some choice bold words. And maybe she believes him.

And maybe, just maybe, she never sees me the same way ever again.

Out of everything that’s hard about today…that’s the hardest.

My dad has warned (threatened?) me over and over again that he won’t be nice. That he won’t hold back. And I’d expect nothing less from him. He’s got some big opinions and a loud voice. And he isn’t shy to share a single thought in his brain.

I don’t lie to my therapist. I don’t sugar coat or hide or downplay….and I pride myself in being straight up. Even when it’s hard as shit.

So I hope. Even though tomorrow will be fucking BRUTAL for me. That she knows me well enough to know that the shit my dad says, the perspective that he has….well….it isn’t entirely accurate.

Contrary to his belief…I am in fact NOT the literal worst parent in the world. I do love my children. Very much so, in fact. And I don’t just sit around all day doing nothing. TRUST ME, I fucking WISH I did. Do you know how much easier my life would be if I sat around all day doing nothing???!!!???!!!

Anyway, that’s my day. A hard one, and a long one.

10 thoughts on “In for a loooooong day.”

  1. I swear I posted a reply this morning! Don’t know what happened 😕
    Either way, I hope you’re back home safe and having fun with your dad at therapy 😅 Seriously, I’m sure your therapist knows everything he’s going to tell her!

  2. Hope it all went well!
    And I’m sure your therapist won’t hold you accountable fot things yiyr dad says. And while it may be brutal, sometimes honesty is just better. It’s hard. It’s painful. But as you say, sugarcoating won’t do anyone any good…
    So I hope all went well with the cardiologist and with the therapy. 🤗

    1. Everything I TOLD her that my dad would say, he did in fact say. So at least she was well prepared 😂
      I just disagree with a lot of his opinions of me. Glad to be home after a long day.

      1. Well that’s a good thing. And often when our parents criticize us, we don’t really agree. We experience things differently, out feelings are based on other things. It doesn’t always mean they’re all wrong, but s
        I’ve found there’s sometimes some truth in the middle… And it’s not always what we want to acknowledge.
        Glad you got home safe and sound. 😊

  3. Niamh - Grab a Cuppa

    I can’t even begin to imagine how challenging today must be for you, with both the long drive to Dallas and the therapy session with your dad ahead. It’s clear that you’re facing these situations with incredible strength and honesty, even when it’s tough as nails. Remember that it’s okay to feel nervous, anxious, or unsure about what’s to come, especially in situations as complex as these.

    Your commitment to being open and genuine with your therapist is a testament to your courage and desire for personal growth. Trust that your therapist knows you well and will consider the bigger picture beyond any words your dad might share. You are not defined by anyone’s opinions or perspectives, and your love for your children shines through.

    As you embark on this difficult day, please know that you have support and empathy from those who read your words. Sending you positive thoughts and strength to navigate through it all. 🌟💪

    1. Thank you, I appreciate you saying that, it means a lot. It was definitely a hard day with a lot of emotions. I’m glad it’s over. But I still definitely have a lot to work through now 😞

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