My week has been a series of rememberable and traumatic days and moments. Monday, terrible. Absolutely terrible. Just. No. Like, seriously the most memorable bad night in at least the past 8 years. The absolute and complete shit show that therapy was, then an hour later literally just dying? Still unclear if I was sick […]
Terrible, awful, baseline Read More »
If only I could explain to you just how fucked up the past few days were. There’s no way I can talk about it or explain it in any kind of way that would make any kind of sense to you, but as far as Monday went, it was even more of a shit show
Unexpectedly bad. Then unexpectedly awful. Read More »
All in all, my week has not been awful. I made some big plans and some big changes. Most of them I’m excited about. However, all of that may change today, and I’m not entirely sure why. I’ve been told and warned that today is going to be a bad day for me. If I
They’re ahead of us, they say. Better days are ahead of us. But what if they’re not? What if they’re behind us? What if the better days really are behind us? Behind me? Hopeless. Is that what that means? I’m climbing the never ending staircase. I’m trying to get up the impossibly steep mountain I’m
Me – hey guys, I’m feeling pretty down and vulnerable lately. I’ve taken a lot of hits, and my depression seems to be really big right now. What would really help to make it feel smaller is a lot of love and support. A pat on the head. Maybe a hug. Or possibly some coffee
Me vs. the Universe Read More »
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have some massive anxiety about walking into therapy later tonight. It’s no secret that last week just did not at all go well. Which is fine! It’s fine. Not every week is going to be great or positive or easy. That’s not real life, that’s not how
When I woke up this morning, I was expecting it to be a normal day. A normal Sunday. And for the most part…it was. Except for the parts that weren’t. One of my first thoughts upon awakening was “oh shit, it’s Father’s Day”. We woke up later than normal, 6:24am rather than 6:00am. That meant
The wounds of trauma Read More »
My littlest of loves just got taken back to the OR. We left the house at 4am to get to the hospital by 6. It’s 7:30 now, and they just took him back. It was a smooth and easy morning. The easy part is the before. The rest of our day isn’t promised to be
Surgery days and helpless hearts Read More »
I don’t have depression right now…I am depression. That’s how it feels. Like, this isn’t something that I have. Or that I’m currently feeling. It’s just what I am. I am blah. And dead inside. I have nothing to me anymore. No emotions. No good ones anyway. There’s nothing that sparks joy. Eating makes me
If you can imagine needing something sooo fucking badly. Just, with all of your body and soul and existence, needing something. Something to go well, something tangible, a feeling or an action….whatever it is that you need. And you have hopes. Not high ones….but….hope nonetheless. Well, that’s how I was feeling yesterday. With every ounce
This is how the story ends Read More »
