This morning started off with getting my usually very happy and agreeable (newly) 2 year old out of bed, changing his diaper, getting him dressed and bringing him out to the kitchen, where his breakfast awaits him already on the table, where his 2 older brothers are eating. Well, this same 2 year old decided […]
We can still have the day we want to have Read More »
The entire year of 2024 has honestly been some bullshit. There has been just…unimaginable loss. Over and over and over. But this past month probably takes the cake. Putting my dog down after spending the last 17 years of my life with her was absolutely awful. It was heartbreaking in ways that you just can’t
The grief is loud, so I am quiet Read More »
On Monday afternoon, I said goodbye to my therapist of 10 years. That was fucking brutal. Last night, I met a new therapist for the first time and tried to see if it would be a good fit. This morning, at 9am, I have to drive Casey, my 17 year old dog, to the vet
Goodbye, hello, goodbye, hello. Read More »
Well, we’re here. The day I’ve been dreading for, really I guess about 10 years now. Later this morning, I am going to see my therapist for the last time. I reached out last week and asked if I could come in today (I was “allowed” 2 more appointments). ——— Honestly, as I started writing
Yesterday, Atlas turned 2 years old. And while normally birthdays hold a really heavy weight for me personally, the simultaneous joy and grief that comes with birthdays was vastly overshadowed by another kind of grief yesterday altogether. Casey, my best girl doggo ever (a Havanese), turned 17 on October 11th. But yesterday morning she had
Waiting for the end Read More »
Depression sucks. That’s the phrase circling my brain pretty aggressively right now. This depression is loud as fuck, and it feels pretty heavy and here to stay. The past 3 days have been filled with a lot of hurt. A lot of pushing people away. A lot of anger and fear and…depression. A lot of
When the depression gets too loud Read More »
Well, it happened. Last night was the epic and ultimate crash and burn that I usually anticipate happening after a retreat. We lovingly call them “retreat hangovers” because that’s basically what it is. Yesterday in it of itself was triggering. I finally bit the bullet and, with the help of some of my friends, emailed
Keep going, keep going, keep going. Read More »
I’m sitting here in Provo airport waiting to board my flight home. It’s only 12pm now, but I have about 6 hours of travel ahead of me, and a time change, so I’m not looking to be home before 7pm. I’m exhausted and emotionally depleted, but in the best way possible I think. I have
Utah has been amazing so far. It’s been everything that I needed, and pushing myself to come here was the right choice. If you don’t know, on Thursday morning, I flew into Salt Lake City for a birth mom retreat. It’s the first one I’ve been to with this organization, and I can honestly say
Buckle up friends, things are about to get even more spicy around here. If you’ve been hanging around here for any length of time, you know that there are a small number of things that have a pretty significant impact on my mental health. The first and most important factor being the strength of my
What, you thought it couldn’t get any spicier? Read More »
