Venting about venting, and I’m so glad it’s winter

Once again, here we are in Texas with well below freezing temps, waiting on yet another snow/ice storm to grace us with its presence this week.

I’m not mad about it, the born and raised Long Islander was built for this and it finally feels right for my body temperature wise here.

I’m still having an unfortunate amount of thoughts and feelings regarding the shit bomb that my last post was. I’ve talked about it with very few people in very few circumstances and it’s just left me feeling really messy. Like I don’t exactly know who I am anymore.

I have another post that I’m working on that’s just an entire bullshit venting FUCK YOU to the person who caused all of this bullshit to go down in the first place, my kids/husbands former therapist.

It’s taken a lot out of me to write it and honestly, it needs to be written. Because I am angry. And frustrated. And hurt.

The fact that she caused so much pain and hurt in our lives is just so inexcusable.

Anyway. I’m venting about my venting post. I’m going to get it done and posted no matter how much it takes out of me because I deserve to be heard and seen. And not walked all over by people who (incorrectly) seem to think they’re better than others.

As I mentioned, it’s a pretty solid 20° here right now, which I know is cold, but not nearly as cold as some of the other parts of the US right now. We’ve been busy building a 3rd goat pasture and shelter to move some of the goats into before it gets even worse, and adding snow on top of it.

Ever since we’ve separated the boys and the girls a few months ago, the boys have definitely gotten the raw end of the deal. I’m not sure who I want to move into the new, biggest and definitely the best, enclosure, but either way, they’ll be way better off and equipped to handle the cold now. We’re not done, it still needs a roof, but we should be done by the end of the day before the weather gets even colder.

For the past month, it seems like everyone has just been HOME.

Like, constantly home. Kids, husband, even my parents. No one is leaving. And it is driving me insane. Like, I’m an introvert. Painfully so. And apparently also autistic. So I need time, like…2 hours a week, of SILENCE. And no one coming and needing me every 3 and a half seconds.

I haven’t gotten that since like literally mid December. I haven’t had my needs met in this way, of having my brain and body be completely OFF, in weeks.

All I need is a good 2 hours a week to recharge and refuel for the week. I promise, I’m a better person this way. But between the weather being gross and having literally no money, there’s nowhere my husband wants to go to take the kids to on weekends.

Which is valid. I’m not pushing him to go out. But damn. I just wish that they could be home and respectful of my space enough to give me a couple of damn hours without all the noise and neediness. My husband does his best, but he’s outnumbered. 😂

I went to sleep early last night (before 11pm. We call that early here!) and I didn’t finish my last drink, which is an improvement for me. I’m hoping to keep on the up and up when it comes to that, but honestly, every day has its own challenges and I’m really just taking it half a step at a time.

I’m not looking forward to being outside the rest of the day while my fingers and toes fall off my body finishing building the goats shelter, but I am excited for it to be finished.

All in all…it could be worse. Right now. In this moment. It could be worse.

And sometimes, that’s a win we just need to take.

It could be worse. So let’s just appreciate that it isn’t.