Here we are. Another day zero. Must be the millionth one. I wasn’t trying today, not in any significant way. But I have been trying for months now. It just feels so unreasonably unattainable. Like, no matter what I do. No matter how hard I try…I will fail. Tonight was a start. Maybe my first […]
Day 0, but a recommitment. Read More »
My depression right now currently does not care about me. Not about what I need, not about what I want, and not about how I feel. It doesn’t care if I isolate myself to the point of not existing anymore. It doesn’t care if the pain inside of my head and my hurt make me
Depression doesn’t care Read More »
I’m definitely in a good bit of a funk right now. I’m hanging in there and doing the best that I can, but I can honestly say that I’m not where I want to be right now mentally. The weather is changing, it’s warming up…which means more stress on my heart and in my body
The lows will happen sometimes Read More »
One year later, and absolutely nothing is the same. February 13th, 2024. Just 4 days after our family returned home from our trip to the NIH. Our lives would truly be changed forever. It was a Tuesday morning. I dropped the my oldest son off at school, a first grader just beginning his school career.
One year later, and a whole lot more broken. Read More »
I have so much racing through my mind and my heart. So much that I’m feeling, thinking…hoping for and afraid of. I feel so much. Yet, I don’t feel like I have any words. It happens occasionally, more often than I’d like…maybe twice a year or so. But I get this feeling. Like…I’m so broken.
The entire year of 2024 has honestly been some bullshit. There has been just…unimaginable loss. Over and over and over. But this past month probably takes the cake. Putting my dog down after spending the last 17 years of my life with her was absolutely awful. It was heartbreaking in ways that you just can’t
The grief is loud, so I am quiet Read More »
On Monday afternoon, I said goodbye to my therapist of 10 years. That was fucking brutal. Last night, I met a new therapist for the first time and tried to see if it would be a good fit. This morning, at 9am, I have to drive Casey, my 17 year old dog, to the vet
Goodbye, hello, goodbye, hello. Read More »
Depression sucks. That’s the phrase circling my brain pretty aggressively right now. This depression is loud as fuck, and it feels pretty heavy and here to stay. The past 3 days have been filled with a lot of hurt. A lot of pushing people away. A lot of anger and fear and…depression. A lot of
When the depression gets too loud Read More »
Well, it happened. Last night was the epic and ultimate crash and burn that I usually anticipate happening after a retreat. We lovingly call them “retreat hangovers” because that’s basically what it is. Yesterday in it of itself was triggering. I finally bit the bullet and, with the help of some of my friends, emailed
Keep going, keep going, keep going. Read More »
Buckle up friends, things are about to get even more spicy around here. If you’ve been hanging around here for any length of time, you know that there are a small number of things that have a pretty significant impact on my mental health. The first and most important factor being the strength of my
What, you thought it couldn’t get any spicier? Read More »
