Buckle up friends, things are about to get even more spicy around here. If you’ve been hanging around here for any length of time, you know that there are a small number of things that have a pretty significant impact on my mental health. The first and most important factor being the strength of my […]
What, you thought it couldn’t get any spicier? Read More »
Trauma. Therapy. Emdr. Healing. Trust. These are all words used with great frequency in my life. All things I’m working on and living with. If you’ve been here for a while, like….years…you’ll know that I’ve tried, and failed epically, using emdr to heal from trauma. A lot of trauma. If you don’t know, emdr is
My heads in a rough place. A really…really rough place. So, maybe we’re done. Maybe we give up. Maybe I’m done being hurt. And feeling alone. Going through things that no one else can understand. But even more than that? More than they care, or try to understand. People don’t know how to relate to
Maybe I’m just too broken. Read More »
What do you do when each day, you wonder if it might be your last? Things aren’t going great around here. I’m all kinds of fucked up, and I’m all kinds of shut down. I have 2 kinds of depression, or crisis mode, or whatever the fuck you want to call it. One where I
I’m a monster made from madness. Created, not born. You don’t become what I’ve become under circumstances you’d consider ideal. It took a lot to get me here…not a day lived “normally” in any of my 28 years. Abuse, pain, no protection, no love or safety or feelings of home… Just fear, abandonment, and isolation.
Monster Made From Madness Read More »
I had honestly hoped, as shitty as the situation was, that things could eventually become.. better. I thought things could…possibly one day resemble some sort of normalcy. Although I knew I might never forgive you, I tried to convince myself that maybe I could try. Because regardless of the shit that you did to me
Dear rapist, haven’t you taken enough from me? Read More »
I do a lot of fighting. Fighting for my kids. For their medical needs to be met and exceeded. Fighting for my family, my husband…fighting for all the people in my life who can’t always fight for themselves in the moment. I’ve been a fighter my entire life. Every day of my existence is a
I’ve always been a writer. Even going as far back as elementary school, I’ve always gravitated towards writing to communicate my feelings. I had…a rather intense childhood, and it’s not something I like to think about or relive. Since we’re going to be starting EMDR in therapy soon…I’m kind of going to be forced to
Reconnecting with my past Read More »
I won’t relive the past. The present is torturous enough. The past holds too much pain. I refuse to combine the two. Accidental pressure leads to too much blood. I’m sorry. Emotional pain leads to more and more and more pain. Logic left behind, the lies of pain the only thing that remains. I upset
Does it exist? Is there hope, or potential, or even the slightest, most remote possibility that this part of me can ever be healed? Shit, healed is a stretch. I’d be elated with functional. This part of life shouldn’t hurt. The part where someone who is safe and loving…loves you. You shouldn’t be afraid. You
Do the broken parts always stay broken? Read More »
