I’m a monster made from madness. Created, not born. You don’t become what I’ve become under circumstances you’d consider ideal. It took a lot to get me here…not a day lived “normally” in any of my 28 years. Abuse, pain, no protection, no love or safety or feelings of home… Just fear, abandonment, and isolation. …
I had honestly hoped, as shitty as the situation was, that things could eventually become.. better. I thought things could…possibly one day resemble some sort of normalcy. Although I knew I might never forgive you, I tried to convince myself that maybe I could try. Because regardless of the shit that you did to me …
I do a lot of fighting. Fighting for my kids. For their medical needs to be met and exceeded. Fighting for my family, my husband…fighting for all the people in my life who can’t always fight for themselves in the moment. I’ve been a fighter my entire life. Every day of my existence is a …
I’ve always been a writer. Even going as far back as elementary school, I’ve always gravitated towards writing to communicate my feelings. I had…a rather intense childhood, and it’s not something I like to think about or relive. Since we’re going to be starting EMDR in therapy soon…I’m kind of going to be forced to …
I won’t relive the past. The present is torturous enough. The past holds too much pain. I refuse to combine the two. Accidental pressure leads to too much blood. I’m sorry. Emotional pain leads to more and more and more pain. Logic left behind, the lies of pain the only thing that remains. I upset …
Does it exist? Is there hope, or potential, or even the slightest, most remote possibility that this part of me can ever be healed? Shit, healed is a stretch. I’d be elated with functional. This part of life shouldn’t hurt. The part where someone who is safe and loving…loves you. You shouldn’t be afraid. You …
I’ve lived my life listening to the lies of others, which then turned into lies to myself. I’m not worth it. I’m a cancer. Nothing will ever be okay or better. This is just how it is, and I deserve it. I’m a failure, I ruin everything. I’ve been told I should die. Repeatedly. That …
We are more than just the lies we tell ourselves. Read More »
Alright guys. This is a hard one for me. If you’ve read some of my previous posts, you might know a bit about my sister. For those of you that don’t know, my “sister” is essentially the bane of my existence. She is 9 years older than me, and has literally tortured and abused me …
Tomorrow brings another Tuesday. A 2 hour therapy day…and one that I desperately need to NOT completely fuck up again. I have something along the lines of…hope(?) that maybe I can just like…be normal? Which, of course, means going in there and being sarcastic and light and not serious at all about anything because I’m …
Holidays are tough for me. Thanksgiving, specifically, is one of the worst. I grew up in an extremely cold, abusive and scary household, with the abuser being my sister. I am not at all a hateful person, but I can confidently say that hatred is the only feeling I have towards her. She is 9 …