birth mom

Unpacking this emotional fuckery

So…something kind of…crazy happened the other day. First of all, yes, I’m alive. I survived. The hard part isn’t over, not by a long shot…but one day at a time…right? Secondly…holy shit. Like, actually, holy fucking shit. On Monday, my sons birthday…I struggled. Of course. I sent the text, the “happy birthday, please give my …

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From the journal of a girl who is about to lose her son…

April 3rd, 2014“I can’t believe I’ve made it this far. This long without cutting, drinking, smoking…I can’t believe it’s all almost over. I had a doctor appointment the other day and I’m going to be induced tonight on the 3rd, and hopefully deliver on the 4th. That was my actual due date. I should’ve called …

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When the pain just doesn’t end

I’d rather die than keep missing him like this. I’m sorry, I know that’s a harsh start to a post…but it’s true. I’d rather die than live without him. He’s literally my child, and I’m navigating this world without him. And that just…..it doesn’t make any sense. It’s only getting harder. He’ll be 8 this …

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When your arms can’t hold him, so your heart does instead.

My son, who turns 5 next month, has just about the biggest heart you’ll ever see. As he’s getting older, he’s starting to ask me questions that i just…don’t know how to answer. Today I’m sending out the box with all my birth sons Christmas presents. (Which, due to the mail delivering my stuff to …

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