Last night was therapy. The last one for a few weeks, because she’s going on a (well deserved) vacation. Arguably, during the worst time of year (for me), but it is what it is. My birth son’s birthday is officially less than a month away. And I am just…all up in my feels about it. […]
Hey, universe? I need support too. Read More »
We are officially one week away from our big important trip to the NIH. That pretty much means that now is the time to stop procrastinating, and put it into focus. I have to pack. And prepare. Mentally and physically. I’ve never flown with 3 kids before. Actually, I’ve only ever flown with one kid
One week away, and a brain full of feelings Read More »
Did you know that the maximum volume of a 2023 Kia Carnival is only 45? And did you know, that in the throws of pretty extreme emotional distress, 45 is not nearly loud enough? Now, I’ve had some tough drives home from therapy. Drives when the music just HAS to be louder than the thoughts
All I can do is try. And keep trying. Read More »
Sometimes, you find yourself in a situation where there are truly just no right answers. Sure, there may be a slightly less wrong one? But really, given the choices, you wish you just didn’t have to choose at all. Because no matter what you do, you’ll feel like it was the wrong choice. (At the
The holidays are hard. Well, for some of us, anyway. For me, they’re quite hard. Thanksgiving is associated with a lot of trauma for me. It was the beginning of what would become…another version of hell for me. Growing up the way I did, in a household full of abuse and fear and trauma…I craved
I did my best today Read More »
Sometimes, therapy just….is what it is. I knew last night would be hard. I knew I’d have to talk about the things that hurt the most. And that’s exactly what happened. As soon as I got there, she basically said “let’s color today, it seems like a good day for coloring”. I totally didn’t disagree.
You can’t break a broken heart Read More »
When the anxiety is so palpable, you can hear nothing but your own heartbeat inside of your ears. Your chest feels like it’ll very likely explode with the next way too strong beat. You don’t want to drink more. You know that won’t help! But it does……..until it doesn’t. Until you take it too far.
If I leave first, you can’t hurt me Read More »
In typical Monday fashion, today is just FULL of appointments. After I drop my oldest off at school, the baby will (finally) start his new therapy for swallowing! It’s basically like e-stim on his neck and it should help him have an overall stronger swallow. We’re running hard and fast towards him getting a gtube,
The ugly anticipation of vulnerability Read More »
He’s 51 weeks old. That means that next week, in 7 days…he turns one. And that’s a day I have been dreading for weeks now. More than likely, he’s my last. Our last baby, our last first birthday…and I hate it all so much. I’ve put off planning a party. Buying decorations. Coming up with
Lately, nights have been rough. I’ve fallen back into some old, bad habits. Two nights ago, I unintentionally picked a fight with my husband, around 11pm, when he was exhausted and all he wanted to do was go to sleep. When I woke up the next morning morning, I was still pretty upset about the
Trying to have a different perspective Read More »
