Tomorrow brings another Tuesday. A 2 hour therapy day…and one that I desperately need to NOT completely fuck up again. I have something along the lines of…hope(?) that maybe I can just like…be normal? Which, of course, means going in there and being sarcastic and light and not serious at all about anything because I’m […]
The dreaded tomorrow Read More »
You’d think I’d be good at this “therapy” thing by now. Especially since I’ve been with my current therapist for something like 6 years now…which that in and of itself is nothing short of a miracle. I’ll never say enough good things about her, and she’s done a stellar job at keeping me alive. (Good
How do you talk about the hard things in therapy? Read More »
Well, safe to say I messed up yet another day at therapy. I’m killing it here, guys. Really. I don’t know why I get so shut down and guarded. I hate it and I didn’t even try to. This morning I woke up and really tried to go to therapy open and positive and just…normal.
When you mess up in therapy (again) Read More »
Him – “Do you want to go to the bathroom and then come to bed? Me – “No. I don’t want anything. I want another drink. (Hesitation) Him – “Well, you can drink more if you want to, but just know it’s not because of a lack of love.” Well played, sir. Well played. This
When you choose love over alcohol Read More »
Sorry is the only word I have to describe it. I’m sorry I mess everything up. I’m sorry I don’t know how to feel things the right way, so I just shut it down and stay silent instead. All I want is to fucking talk about it… but I can’t. I don’t know how to
I’m sorry I mess things up sometimes. Read More »
Therapy was fine. It was good. I almost felt things. The issue came when a half hour before it was over, my husband texted me. He had a headache before I left, but it was small. 2 hours later, it had developed into “severe”. We all know what that means. My worst nights are the
She told me not to write, so I’m not going to. Read More »
What do you do when no matter how hard you try, no matter how much work it seems like you put in…at the end of the day…it just doesn’t seem worth it? Like…I’m fucking struggling. I don’t want this! I don’t want the pain and I honestly don’t feel like I deserve it. Or maybe
“I’m happy. I’m sorry you’re sad, but I’m so happy that he has a good heart.” “They way that he speaks, I think they would be friends. I know that they are brothers, but I think they would be friends.” Those are both statements my husband made last night after watching the video of my
Dear son, I’m not strong enough for any more goodbyes. Read More »
Last night was BRUTAL. My dog was sick so he was pretty much every 30 minutes needing to go outside. I think I got 3 hours of sleep total. This is not super uncommon for him, he has always had GI issues. (Why is there something wrong with everyone who lives here?!) Anyway. I’m feeling
I want therapy to go well, but I know I ruin things sometimes Read More »
I should probably write even though I don’t want to. This won’t be eloquent or pretty… I don’t even know what this is going to say yet, or even how I feel. Therapy was 2 hours today. (It always is on Tuesdays, but I feel like it’s important to clarify that for context.) I’ve been
Will somebody plug in a nightlight? Read More »
