Today was “good”. I always put that word in quotation marks because really, what defines a good day? What makes it “good” for me might be completely unacceptable to someone else. I usually find that to be the case, that my “good” days are sort of like…“holy shit, that’s a low standard”. But today was…it […]
Oh, this post can end up going so many different ways. I feel so many things right now. Front and center is self hatred. I feel like a fucking diasaster right now. I’m completely aware of the level of fucked up that I am. Like, I would literally rather die than live with the knowledge
The toxicity of self hatred Read More »
Today is my first day back in therapy since before the holidays, 2 weeks ago. Now, 2 weeks may not feel like a long time to go between therapy sessions, especially when some people only go that often to begin with. But I usually go twice a week, and at least one of those days
Returning from a (short) break in therapy Read More »
The theme of this week, this year even, it seems…is difficult conversations. Things that have never needed to be said, yet need saying anyway. This has been a week of confrontation, but not in a bad way. Difficult conversations, gentle confrontation, a resist to the natural reaction of me running away… It’s all hard. It
Just because it’s difficult, doesn’t mean it’s bad. Read More »
Tonight is shit. It hurts. We’re approaching midnight, and I just don’t feel like lying about it or dismissing it. I hate tonight. I hate this week. All I want to do is quit. I feel so fucking alone. Tonight was all of our last therapies until after January. No more PT or OT or
Does pain ever win? Read More »
I am living a story where I believe in hope for others, but not for myself. I’ve never believed in myself, or that a better ending is even possible for me. This week, I’ve been challenged. I’ve been asked to write as of hope is possible for me, as if I believe in better for
You can have pain, and still have hope for a better tomorrow. Read More »
I’ve lived my life listening to the lies of others, which then turned into lies to myself. I’m not worth it. I’m a cancer. Nothing will ever be okay or better. This is just how it is, and I deserve it. I’m a failure, I ruin everything. I’ve been told I should die. Repeatedly. That
We are more than just the lies we tell ourselves. Read More »
Welcome to the week of Hope. (Sponsored by my therapists great ideas.) For the next few days, things will be…different. It’s homework, but I’m not allowed to be sarcastic about it. Shit, I think this means I’ve said too much. Hope is my favorite word. It’s my favorite feeling. I’ve written about it before, I’ve
Alright guys. This is a hard one for me. If you’ve read some of my previous posts, you might know a bit about my sister. For those of you that don’t know, my “sister” is essentially the bane of my existence. She is 9 years older than me, and has literally tortured and abused me
Let’s talk about Forgiveness Read More »
I’m just here to say that tonight, I definitely didn’t fuck up therapy. And I am, in fact, proud of myself for it. I didn’t shut down, and I tried to stay present and …focused? Okay, well, I did spend quite a while procrastinating with stories about random events from the past few days…and then
When you DIDN’T mess up in therapy! Read More »
