Okay. Let’s take a second to keep it real. Things have been rough lately. Really, really rough. My birth sons birthday, then Mother’s Day (one hell of a trigger, regardless of the fact that I parent 3 other children), a lot of challenging medical things with my kids (and myself), and a lot of loss. […]
The old me is making a strong push to become the new me, once again. I don’t know how I feel about it. Well, that’s not true. I do know how I feel about it. But I feel very differently about it, depending on what time of day I were to ask myself. I recognize
This is a post for accountability. Things have been hard. Obviously. But I’ve been sober. Mostly. I’ve done a job worthy of being insanely proud of. After 15 years of more or less active (alcohol) addiction, I dug myself out, alone, and got myself sober. It was grueling and excruciating. It hurt. Physically, emotionally, and
I don’t want to go backwards Read More »
The last few weeks have been…umm…how do we put this…really fucking brutal. The burnout is real, the exhaustion is insane, and I am just so…I don’t know. Tired. I know I haven’t talked about it a ton, but I’m actually doing mostly really well with the sobriety/not drinking thing. After the first 2 weeks of
When the depression kicks your ass Read More »
It has been a journey. A long, and at times impossible one. But I’m here. I’m feeling better physically, but as far as my mental health as it pertains to literal brain chemistry? Yeah. I’m still on the struggle bus. Alcohol was the dopamine that fueled my body. I do not have an ounce of
The best I can do for now. Read More »
I feel like I’m caught in between two realities I don’t quite fit into anymore. Two worlds I have no business being a part of. An old and a new. A past and a future. And I’m not sure I belong on either side. The anxiety tonight is intense. The physical pain of the withdrawals
If I knew how much this was going to physically hurt, I wouldn’t have done it. The headache has been unrelenting. I can’t sleep, except for during the day, when all I want to do is sleep. Everything inside of my body feels wrong. And it hurts. I didn’t expect sobriety to be easy…but I
Harder than I thought Read More »
Yup. I’m still going strong here. Well, okay. Not strong at all, actually. I feel like a dumpster fire, the withdrawal headaches are the worst today they they have been so far, and I honestly want to give up just to stop the pain. I haven’t had anything to drink since late night March 18th.
Doing the damn thing Read More »
Okay. I’m going for it tonight. It’s only 8pm, and I’m hurting like hell right now, but I’m going to try to make tonight the night where I don’t drink anything. I’ve tapered down for the past 3 nights as much as I could. But tonight, between the significant cravings and the physical withdrawal symptoms,
A real day 1. So far. Read More »
Here we are. Another day zero. Must be the millionth one. I wasn’t trying today, not in any significant way. But I have been trying for months now. It just feels so unreasonably unattainable. Like, no matter what I do. No matter how hard I try…I will fail. Tonight was a start. Maybe my first
Day 0, but a recommitment. Read More »
