I have anxiety, but I don’t know where to put it. So it just sits there. Festering and growing. My body feels restless, my heart is about to pound out of my chest, and my mind is going a thousand miles a minute. I know what the problem is. Or, rather, problems. There’s no shortage …
When the anxiety is so palpable, you can hear nothing but your own heartbeat inside of your ears. Your chest feels like it’ll very likely explode with the next way too strong beat. You don’t want to drink more. You know that won’t help! But it does……..until it doesn’t. Until you take it too far. …
I can convince myself all day long that I have my alcohol usage under control. I can convince myself, I can convince you…it’s a skill I’ve pretty much mastered at this point. More days than not this past week, I’ve woken up and wondered to myself if maybe I should, once again, *attempt* sobriety. Aside …
A Sunday night after an impossibly long week. Thankfully, I found a few hours here and there over the course of my chaotic weekend to have some moments of quiet for myself. Thankfully, I have a husband who recognizes my NEED for alone time…without the background noise of 3 boys yelling and screaming…either playfully or …
You know those nights that you can just…..predict where they’re going to go? Somewhere around 5pm today, that happened. I knew exactly where this night was going to go, and I asked my husband to help prevent that. Earlier in the day, he got frustrated with me. Me, already being sensitive, thought “oh great, he’s …
How many times do you go to write a post, give it a title, start writing it, think of a better, more accurate title, delete what you’ve written, and start over? Usually it happens when I start writing with a filter. And it feels so fucking fake, I can’t stand it. And want to be …
Today was a rough day. That’s okay, that happens sometimes. My body has not been feeling its best self physically, my emotions are all over the place… It’s just been rough. In more ways than one. It’s nights like these, where I’m feeling a little bit extra fragile, that I need to…..be careful of. I’m …
Self medicating sucks. Until it doesn’t. And then it does again. Read More »
When you walk into therapy on a MONDAY night, and exclaim that it’s been a looooong week…you just know it’s gonna be a night. And it sure was. I swear, sometimes just Saturday, Sunday and Monday feels like an entire week all in itself. Therapy went well, and we talked about a lot. But I …
These moments carry so much weight. Can I talk about it anyway? Read More »
Today was a fucked up day. And sometimes, there’s simply no other way to put it than that. It was not a good weekend…and I anticipated it to be as such. However, I did NOT anticipate it to be the actual absolute shit storm that it was. But sometimes, special needs parenting be like that. …
Even now, in the “best I’ve felt in years”, coming off a high of 2 vacations back to back, I’m struggling. Even now, after a day that wasn’t all bad. A day that had its moments of hope and promise…I’m struggling. Struggling means a lot of different things for me. Sometimes, it means the most …