I’m can’t win, therefore I lose. Everything is twisted and dirty and cold. I want to drink it away. Nothing makes sense without the promise of alcohol. I quit. I give up. Universe, you win. The knowledge of the future is clear: but if drink this drink I might forget it. I’ll wake up and …
Dear nightmares…… Tonight, you will not get me. I feel you, I see you creeping up from the shadows. You’ve been the forefront of my existence for too long now. Your content has been all to real…nothing short of a horror moving featuring my real life. Tonight, I won’t let the fear of you drink …
10:09pm (oh, side note, this series of events usually takes place closer to 12am. Tonight was early for sure. That’s why he was so excited about the actual prospect of it.) Me: I want to go to bed. Husband: Great! Let’s put the bed down and get cozy and we’ll go to bed! Me: No…I …
Well, safe to say I messed up yet another day at therapy. I’m killing it here, guys. Really. I don’t know why I get so shut down and guarded. I hate it and I didn’t even try to. This morning I woke up and really tried to go to therapy open and positive and just…normal. …
I’ve written this post and deleted it so many times over the past few days. I don’t know how to say what I need to say. No, that’s not true. I know exactly how to say it. For once, I know how I feel. Or at least I know the initial, gut reaction to how …
Oh, hello there, darkness. It’s you and I, once again. Why do we always meet up here? On these quiet, dreadful evenings. It’s Friday, thank God, and this week has been… Well, let’s not mince words. This week has been absolute shit. For so many more reasons than one. I’m glad I’m still here….I know …
Therapy was fine. It was good. I almost felt things. The issue came when a half hour before it was over, my husband texted me. He had a headache before I left, but it was small. 2 hours later, it had developed into “severe”. We all know what that means. My worst nights are the …
Can I just like…yell into the keyboard for a second here? (Heads up: I’m going to curse. I can’t be genuine if I’m filtering myself, and I just need to be real for a minute here.) Can we start with a small level of honesty? I’m sort of struggling. More than sort of. This shit …
It’s just past 7pm. My husband got home from work an hour ago, and he is already in bed trying to sleep. It happens often. He’ll get a migraine and just be dead to the world sleeping until it goes away. I get it. It sucks for him. But it’s also pretty miserable for me. …
Tonight is an absolute shit show, where I’m sure I’ve made mistakes. All I want to do is give up. All I want to do is listen to the demons and the voices in my head telling my my life isn’t worth it. That all I cause is pain and burden and problems. That voice …