Yesterday morning was a completely normal morning. Until it wasn’t. Until it would become one of those moments that none of us would ever forget, that would have a forever long impact. I left my house at 7:15am. Dropped my 7 year old off at school at 7:31am. Got gas, I was on E. Continued […]
Everything can change. Read More »
This entire week has been, if nothing else, a truly unforgettable week. For about a hundred different reasons. While I’m not yet ready to recap it completely, today is our last full day here. It consists of a good bit more testing, labs, EMGSs and EKGs. And who knows what else. Yesterday was hard. Every
Harder than I hoped Read More »
Life is just interesting beyond measure sometimes. Like, traveling to the NIH for myself and my 3 kids to be tested, researched, and hopefully diagnosed. Some words I never thought would ever come out of mouth, yet, here we are. Yesterday was our travel day, and oooh what a shit show it was. We took
Traveling to NIH, days 1 and 2 Read More »
We are officially one week away from our big important trip to the NIH. That pretty much means that now is the time to stop procrastinating, and put it into focus. I have to pack. And prepare. Mentally and physically. I’ve never flown with 3 kids before. Actually, I’ve only ever flown with one kid
One week away, and a brain full of feelings Read More »
Writing straight from my head and straight from my heart. That’s what’s important. That’s what I need to do. I’m feeling really off. And weird. I think what it boils down to, is just…tired. I am tried. Of life. Of living. I’m tired of hurting. There are so many things that I want to be
Stuck in this cycle of trauma and pain Read More »
Yesterday was a whole day. All of them seem to be lately. As always for a Monday, it ended with therapy. For some reason I was more nervous than normal going into it, but I think that’s just because I was feeling some pretty intense things, and that doesn’t always translate super well. We talked
Unnecessary self hatred, and worth being loved. Read More »
There is so little in my life that I have a say in. That I can influence. Or sway. Or…control. My life is…largely…out my of hands. People abusing you. Raping you. Hurting you. People thinking they can do whatever it is that they want to you. To hurt you. Because…I don’t matter. Only they do.
Control? Yeah, sure. Read More »
I have anxiety, but I don’t know where to put it. So it just sits there. Festering and growing. My body feels restless, my heart is about to pound out of my chest, and my mind is going a thousand miles a minute. I know what the problem is. Or, rather, problems. There’s no shortage
All this anxiety, and nowhere to put it Read More »
When the anxiety is so palpable, you can hear nothing but your own heartbeat inside of your ears. Your chest feels like it’ll very likely explode with the next way too strong beat. You don’t want to drink more. You know that won’t help! But it does……..until it doesn’t. Until you take it too far.
If I leave first, you can’t hurt me Read More »
Well, yesterday went about as well and true to form as it could have possibly gone. I am happy to report that both of my children were EXACTLY, 100% themselves yesterday when their therapist came to our house. Chaos ensued as promised, and boy did she get a glimpse into the reality of my every
When things go exactly as expected, and the unknowns of the future Read More »