I’ve been doing a pretty good job keeping the struggles of my reality out of my Disney vacation. I’ve managed to keep the real world distant from the (relative) safety and peace of Disney World. It’s something I’ve needed…a few days to just completely detach from my life. Up until last night, I’d been able …
Oh, my poor brother. He’s sharing a room with my husband and I for the first few days while we are on vacation (normally he lives in another state), and I’m not sure he knew what he was getting himself into. My husband knows this, he’s adapted, but my brother? Not so much. See, I …
Hello anxiety. Today you took root and didn’t let go. A simple (permanent) change in my schedule was enough to cause physical panic. Tomorrow begins a new therapy schedule, Friday mornings (and Tuesday evenings), but it threw me off more than I’d care to admit. I was short tempered, I was panicked, I was feeling …
It’s usually at night, once the alcohol starts reclaiming its all to familiar home within my body, that my brain allows itself to wander. To feel, just for a moment. “Tell someone”. My head is screaming at me to tell someone. Tell my husband. Tell my friends. Tell literally anyone. Sometimes I think one drink …
It’s been a while since you’ve waken me this abruptly, with images so vivid I question their reality. It’s been a few days since I’ve sat awake at 2am lonely and afraid to close my eyes again. Usually I dull you, nightmares. Usually I drink you into silence. I suppose I fell asleep too early …
My phone buzzes and I see your name. Shit. The content doesn’t matter. I’m already spiraling into unforgivable anxiety. My day ruined before it even begins. All it takes is a 2 word text and the images are back..replaying over and over. My heart can’t slow down even if I beg it to. A two …
I thought it would be okay. It thought it wouldn’t happen again. But it did, and it happened worse. He touched me, he kissed me, he assaulted me. He put his hands on me. Under my clothes…inside me. These are not unclear circumstances, and I am not okay. If I was unclear before, if I …
He assaulted me again, and tonight I am not unclear. Read More »
Tonight, I’ll drink to forget. I’ll drink so I can forget this feeling, this self loathing for not being enough. For not doing a good enough job. I’ll drink to forget how I failed, how I feel like I’m constantly letting you down. I’ll drink to drown out the internal screaming voices of hatred that …
Dear nightmares, What will you bring tonight? What version of the world will you choose to inscribe within my mind? Do you have me screaming out in horror? Do you have me attacking the innocents sleeping soundly next to me? Why? Why me? How many more nights does my husband have to put up with …
You’d think by now I wouldn’t care. I wouldn’t give a shit about my parents, how they treat me, what they say. But here we are, in yet another fucked up situation. My mom gets mad, starts screaming at me. That’s typical. It happens every weekend. Today she’s angrier than usual, more volatile, more hostile. …