Dear anything, While I don’t know exactly what I need from you right now, I do know that it’s something. Anything. I need anything to keep going. An ounce of hope. A reason to believe things will be okay… An iota of stress being taken off my plate. Things are only getting more and more […]
Things have been one huge mess of chaos here for the past 2 weeks. And with the already massive stress of the holidays and all that that is, I didn’t exactly needed to add any more onto my plate. Last week, Phoenix, my 6 year old, stayed home for most of the week with a
Last night, I had therapy. And I think for the first time in a long time, it felt like therapy. Which, to be very honest, is terrifying. Therapy is starting to feel like therapy again. Finally. After months of the most fucked up transition period imaginable. And it’s terrifying. To learn to trust, to try
When therapy starts to feel like therapy Read More »
Today is simply just that. It’s today. It’s not yesterday, not tomorrow, not two months ago, and not the future or the past. Today is today. So that’s what I need to focus on. Living for right now, in this moment, with focusing only on what needs my direct and immediate attention. Right now, I
Accepting today for what it is Read More »
It’s nights like this where I can feel it slipping away. The anxiety creeps in, the anger takes over in its fucked up attempt at protecting me, and I’m losing the ability to reason with it using logic, my best defense against it all. The anxiety has taken over. Anxiety has ruined a lot of
The anxiety wins too often Read More »
My world feels like nothing right now. Yet, it feels impossibly heavy all at the same time. And that’s something that has always confused me. How can something be so nothing, and yet so damn everything all at once? How can it mean so much to me, and at the same time…so nothing to the
Why do I feel so nothing? Read More »
For a second night in a row, it approaches midnight when I get the strongest urge to explore my thoughts and write them down. This topic deserves so much more than a late night post. And it will get the attention that it surely does deserve. But for tonight, for now, I’m living in the
Insecure, afraid, but trying? Read More »
The world is loud right now. It’s screaming and chaos and thunder. Nothing is easy. Nothing makes sense. Foreign is the only familiar thing. And if that sentence makes no damn sense to you, then you’re reading it exactly right. I don’t know how to make sense of my ever changing, loud, chaotic and fucked
Loud, chaotic, unpredictable Read More »
Over the past few weeks, I’ve been put in a position completely foreign and unknown to me. After 10 years working with the same therapist, a person who I came to develop an insanely strong and therapeutic relationship with, I am finding myself in the position of starting over. And frankly, that every flavor of
When starting over feels impossible Read More »
On Monday afternoon, I said goodbye to my therapist of 10 years. That was fucking brutal. Last night, I met a new therapist for the first time and tried to see if it would be a good fit. This morning, at 9am, I have to drive Casey, my 17 year old dog, to the vet
Goodbye, hello, goodbye, hello. Read More »
