Well, I’ve sort of voiced who you all who he is. He’s a family member. He lives close by. Literally impossible to escape. Saturday evening began with him showing our other family members pictures of him and I from years ago. Him remembering all the ways in which we were close. When I was a […]
Choices I couldn’t make Read More »
Am I allowed to say that? Am I allowed to be that honest? I know that with the shit I write, I’m clearly not okay, I’m not pretending to be. But am I allowed to be so bold as to just say it? Like… I’m fucking not okay right now. I’m not. I had a
I should probably write even though I don’t want to. This won’t be eloquent or pretty… I don’t even know what this is going to say yet, or even how I feel. Therapy was 2 hours today. (It always is on Tuesdays, but I feel like it’s important to clarify that for context.) I’ve been
Will somebody plug in a nightlight? Read More »
Can I just like…yell into the keyboard for a second here? (Heads up: I’m going to curse. I can’t be genuine if I’m filtering myself, and I just need to be real for a minute here.) Can we start with a small level of honesty? I’m sort of struggling. More than sort of. This shit
Can I vent for a minute here? Read More »
Let me be frank. Shit got Weird Saturday night. And not in a good way. As some of you might know, there have been a few times over the past couple of months that I have been sexually assaulted, with the worst offense being (raped but I really hate that word so I would really
Today has been a weird day. I had 2 hour therapy (for me) this morning, which went well, or at least I think it did. But ever since then, I’ve had this heavy and lingering feeling of anxiety. I don’t know what caused it, and I don’t know why I feel so bad…but I just
Anxiety out of nowhere Read More »
Hello again, alcohol. I did well these past few days with less of you, but I knew it was a temporary fix. Why would I need to drink when literally in “the happiest place on earth”? I had no need to. Not that one ever has a “need” for alcohol…but still. I drank to sleep,
The curse and comfort of alcohol Read More »
I’ve been doing a pretty good job keeping the struggles of my reality out of my Disney vacation. I’ve managed to keep the real world distant from the (relative) safety and peace of Disney World. It’s something I’ve needed…a few days to just completely detach from my life. Up until last night, I’d been able
Even on vacation I can’t escape the flashbacks Read More »
It’s usually at night, once the alcohol starts reclaiming its all to familiar home within my body, that my brain allows itself to wander. To feel, just for a moment. “Tell someone”. My head is screaming at me to tell someone. Tell my husband. Tell my friends. Tell literally anyone. Sometimes I think one drink
“Tell someone, anyone” Read More »
Tonight, you’re telling me to drink more. And more…and more. You’re telling me that I’m not worth it. You’re telling me that I should give in, give up. You are trying to convince me that I’m not lovable, that in fact, my husband laying next to me is a liar for trying to convince me
Dear intrusive thoughts, Read More »
