I have a bad feeling about tonight. All day I’ve felt a certain sense of disconnect.
Alone, isolated, panicked. It will be a night of bad choices, I can feel it from now. I could feel it brewing since last night.
Drinking feels like the only way to ease this anxiety. I need love, a need connection.
I don’t know why I feel like this. Probably because of the holiday, partly because of therapy tomorrow, mostly because I feel disconnected and alone today.
I needed him. He was less present than I needed him to be. I needed a hug, I needed warmth.
Fuck that though, I don’t need anyone to provide me with that.
That’s what alcohol is for.
And that, my friends, is how we got into this mess.
Let the bad choices begin. Hopefully it doesn’t go too far.
A person can only be so triggered.