I woke up this morning unsure of what the day would look like. It’s a Wednesday, typically my busiest day with the most appointments and therapies, but today we have nothing. We can go at our own pace, I don’t have to time naps or plan to leave the house at a certain time for PT or OT for the boys, we can just relax.
I feel better today (so far) than I have the past few days. Maybe its because I’m back in stride with my more normal routine, maybe its because I had therapy last night so things just feel better or more normal, I don’t know. (Turns out my therapist and her family had covid during the 2 weeks we were away in Disney. So, that means literally all of the people I’m in close contact with had covid during the exact 2 weeks we were away. Pretty amazing timing to get the hell out of town if you ask me!)
Life is exhausting, at least for me it is. So mornings like this, where I feel even just the slightest bit okay, are so meaningful. I never know how long the “okay” feeling will last, so I just learn to appreciate it while it’s there.
Every day I have a goal to just try to find those moments. The ones where things are good, where I can slow down and smile and be present instead of constantly stressing out about everything. Honestly, I think the fact that today is a “day off” for me is a big part of it.
I mean…I’m sitting here writing while my 4 year old is listening to his Yoto Player (short stories and music type of player) and my 2 year old is packing up his “pack pack” (backpack) with his “lunch, list and toys” for “work”. On a normal Wednesday, we would already be having to get dressed and ready to go to our 4 hours of PT and OT for both kids. So it’s nice.
Being back in therapy also helped a lot, I think. We didn’t talk about anything really heavy or serious, but it felt good to be somewhere where I just feel a little safer and more okay for 2 hours. Even if I avoided all the heaviness, it still helped. Just existing in peace is enough sometimes. Hopefully today feels good for just a little bit longer.
But if it doesn’t, thats okay. And I will try again tomorrow. Keep fighting, guys. That’s all we can do. There is always more strength if we just look deep enough..