Pain is pain. We can acknowledge its existence or we can deny it.
Either choice won’t make it go away.
Something hurts. You feel pain, but you don’t want to. So you act like it doesn’t bother you, you stuff it down, smile…. “move on”.
But can you really just ignore the pain, pretend it doesn’t exist, never existed, and simply move on and be okay?
Or does it creep back up like a demon in the shadows? Ready to make itself known when your the most vulnerable.
Pain demands to be felt. It demands to be dealt with. And if you refuse, it’ll only grow stronger. Until the choice is no longer yours to make.
The scars of the past don’t fade with sunglasses.
The wounds of last night, last week, last month….they don’t simply just vanish because you wish it so.
Oh how easy that would be. How nice. To wish the pain away, to no longer see the bad memories…to forget.
But it doesn’t work like that. It’s like a virus. It will just keep spreading and growing until action is taken against it. Until it’s dealt with, head on, and addressed.
It will always catch up to you. There is no escaping. There is no running from yourself.
I smile during the day. I fake it. But I can only be strong for so long. I can only deny myself authenticity for so long. The nights force me to feel what I spend my days trying to forget.
This pain isn’t going anywhere. Not anytime soon, at least. How much longer can I continue to deny it before it consumes me fully? How much more do I have in me to fake it through my days?
How much more pain can I withstand before I absolutely just crumble into a worthless pile of nothingness?
Not much more. That, I can tell you for sure.
The pain is here. The pain is enormous. I don’t want it. But I can’t hide from it anymore.
It’s gotten too big.
The simple truth is that I’m afraid of you.
But I’m more afraid of me.