I didn’t get better fast enough, and now I’m feeling alarmingly worse.

I wasn’t vulnerable enough, couldn’t feel secure fast enough. And now I don’t know if it will ever be possible to feel those things.

Some things got better, but it wasn’t better enough.

I was struggling, barely holding on. And it feels like my head got shoved under water.

I was struggling to breathe in the air around me. And now I’m breathing in the water. Waiting to drown.

Ironic, isn’t it?

All I wanted was to feel better. To hold onto hope. And now I feel like all hope is now lost.

I am struggling.

14 thoughts on “Irony”

    1. I just wish I could do what I know how to do to start feeling better. Feeling trapped in this feeling instead is pretty rough.

  1. Sending much love and air! I sure hope you’ll be able to see that the progress, even little bits, is such a big growth! You may not have reached that goal yet but… You’re a wee bit closer! 🤗

      1. Yes! Progress… If you always aim for perfection, it’s such a hard thing to do… I know, as I’ve been there before, and I’m still there at times as well.
        But by learning to focus on the progress, I’ve found it all some more positive, which of course is a big plus.
        Hope today will be a better day for you! ♥

  2. I see how much you are struggling, and I’m sorry.

    I don’t know if this helps at all… but in my own journey (and in the past, I’ve been where you are now), periods of feeling very stuck, or periods of feeling unable to implement what I was learning in therapy—these were all part of it. It wasn’t straightforward at all, and this could be so frustrating! Like you, I tended to blame myself or interpret it as a sign that even trying to get better was hopeless. But it turns out that feeling like crap, and sometimes feeling worse, were also just pieces of a much bigger picture. I do hope and believe it will be that way for you, even if you can’t imagine it right now.

    In the meantime, however, I know it’s. Incredibly hard to keep going. Try not to berate yourself for the pain you are experiencing.

    1. Thank you for the reminder. It’s so hard not to beat myself up for it, when it’s so incredibly easy to assign the blame to myself.
      You’re right, this is just a piece of it. It’s just another part of the puzzle. I need to remember that.

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