“I just want to be dead, okay? Leave me alone”“Well, while you’re alive, I want to be with you.”
Sometimes, there are moments in life where you just hear exactly what you need to hear. Last night was one of those times.
My husband and I were outside walking back from getting the chicks in the coop (they still don’t go in on their own yet) and he tried to hug me. That’s when I told him to leave me alone because I wanted to be dead, and didn’t want any love.
He didn’t even hesitate before he responded, and told me that he just wanted to be with me no matter what, for as long as possible.
It was such a short, simple exchange, but it meant so much. It changed how I was feeling in the moment, and made me want to welcome him and his love in, instead of pushing him away.
Sometimes, hearing the right thing at the right time, when you’re not even looking for it, can mean everything.
I spend so much time pushing people away when really, what I want the most is them. So when someone pushes back so easily and effortlessly, with such genuine meaning behind it…that’s what makes the biggest impact to me. It makes me feel the most cared about.
Unexpected moments of love and caring like that really have the most power over me. And they can come from anywhere, at anytime. Like when I’m in therapy, and I feel like she really, actually, cares about me, from a friend reaching out, from my husband doing something like that…even a sweet comment from someone on a blog post. It really is the little things that have the biggest impact on me.
Even though today is my typical therapy day, she isn’t there this week. It definitely leaves me feeling off, and a little…I don’t know. Alone?
So I’m grateful for all the little moments that full my cup up just a little higher. Because even if it only fills it a little, or just for a minute, all of those little things add up.
And tonight, I’m hopeful that even though I don’t have therapy, I’ll be able to feel and accept the love from others, should they offer it to me.
Because without that, the world really is a lonely place. And none of us need to feel that way, alone and unloved. We all need just a little bit of the right thing said to us at the right time.
The world is just better that way. With love, with others…and not quite so alone.