Well, yesterday sure turned into a shit show pretty quickly.
As I was getting the kids ready for their therapies (Tuesdays are OT and speech days), I guess I was moving too fast, or not being careful, or I don’t know…but, I fell, and my stomach hit the ground.
Because I’m already considered high risk in this pregnancy, my doctor (who my husband made me message) wanted me to go straight to labor and delivery to be checked out. UGH.
I don’t know if you know this, but I have some pretty significant medical PTSD. Going to the hospital, alone….it was literally the last thing I wanted to do.
I didn’t know it, because I can’t see down there anymore, but I actually have a pretty big bruise on my stomach. We also learned that my placenta is a piece of shit, and at this point, I’m just trying to stay pregnant as long as possible. (Aren’t you glad that you have that information about me? 🙂 )
Despite the fact that the on call OB wanted to keep me longer for monitoring, she called my regular OB who told her that I was “reliable”, and she trusted me enough to send me home to monitor for symptoms.
I made it out of the hospital JUST in time to make it to therapy right on time, which I really was grateful for. Therapy went well, and we talked a lot about self defeating behaviors again. I guess that’ll be the focus for the next little bit, which is honestly fine, because I know I need a lot of help with that.
The new couch was nice, but I was definitely struggling, and in pain after not very long. Of course, that could be related to pain from me falling, but who knows.
I’m still in a ton of pain today. My back and stomach is hurting like crazy, and my hand is hurting too. I guess I tried to break my fall from having an abdominal impact, but I wasn’t strong enough to keep myself up.
My husband left work early to meet me at my kids therapy, so I could go straight to the hospital. He stayed home for the rest of the day yesterday, but wasn’t able to stay home today. Which really fucking sucks, because I’m actually in a ton of pain and really just want to rest.
He seems stressed and overwhelmed about everything, so I’m trying not to bother him. But I really need help and support right now, and I really need to take the time to rest…which I’m just not getting.
Overall, I’m glad it wasn’t worse, and that so far, the baby seems okay. If the worst that comes of it is a few days of me being in pain, so be it. That’s no big deal. But it’s scary knowing that my body is declining at such a rate to where I did put my baby in danger.
If there’s anything that’s been made clear to me over the past few days, it’s that I NEED to slow down. I just…don’t know how to.
Not when I don’t have the support needed to slow down and stop. Life goes on, the kids need to be taken care of, and my life just can’t stop.
No matter how much I need it to.