Isolation and loneliness

Of the many things that comes with having a new baby, isolation is one of them. It definitely can be lonely and isolating at times.

The baby is 4 weeks old now, and the loneliness factor has definitely set in. My husband was supposed to go back to work this week, but we decided to just wait until after Thanksgiving. He works in healthcare, and to be honest, I’m absolutely terrified of him going back and getting exposed/bringing something home with him. The last thing I need is s sick baby and sick kids.

But him being home means that he’s pretty much taking our other 2 kids out everyday, when that used to be my role. So I’ve been staying home with the baby while my 5 and 3 year old go to therapy every day.

My kids physical and occupational therapists have been in our lives for the past 5 years. Even though they are there to help my kids, they are very much my support system as well. When you spend hours every single day for years with someone…I think that’s a pretty natural feeling.

So between that, my own therapy being sparse, and just feeling like I’ve got this ball and chain attached to me…I don’t know. I’m just feeling really isolated.

Sleep has not been going well lately. And that’s definitely playing a role in how I feel too. The other night, the baby had me up for 3 hours straight. He woke up at 2am and didn’t go back to sleep until after 5. It was literally torture. By the third hour, I was basically in tears.

I did do better with drinking the past 2 nights…but, again, I think that has more to do with the fact that I’m so exhausted that I just don’t even want to drink.

I’m proud of myself that I’ve done better with drinking for the past 2 nights, only having 1 drink, and not as strong, but it almost feels like cheating. Like, I didn’t really want it because I was afraid of the night ahead of me, so it doesn’t really count. I know it’s still progress, but the real challenge will come when he is sleeping better and I’m sleeping better.

I don’t know. I’m just really not feeling my best. I need to get out of the house and see people. Which, if you know me, you know I’m a huge introvert, so it’s weird that I even have that desire.

I’m lonely, I’m tired, and I’m starting to feel a little bit hopeless.

My brother is coming next week to visit for Thanksgiving, and I’m looking forward to that. We usually have a good time together, so I’m hoping that will help a bit.

Anyway, I’ll leave you with a cute moment between my youngest 2. My 3 year old, who turns 4 in December, and my now 4 week old. I hope they stay best friends forever.