60 seconds at a time

Tonight is hard.

Today was hard.

The last 2 weeks have been hard.

Tonight might be the hardest.

My husband and I got really bad news today. While multiple states and hours apart physically, we both got absolutely devastating news.

I’m trying to lift him up.

He’s trying to….idk. He feels badly. And wants desperately to come home. As evidence by our text exchange

He’s a famously bad texter, and he meant to say “well that’s not good, we’ll definitely have to wean you off that

Either way, I really don’t care.

I’m having a bad night. A straight up, shitty ass fucking bad night. I’m not handling this bad news well.

So, as I just sent to my best friend who I really haven’t talked to in a few days (her or anyone else)…

This video makes me smile. I don’t want or expect her to respond. I’m pretty over …any and all relationships at this point. Marriage, fiends, therapy…none of it feels hopeful or good.

But sometimes, you just need a fucking reason to get you through the next 60 seconds.

I’m absolutely god damn fucking struggling. I can not possibly scream it louder for those of you in the back than I am right now.

Hi 👋 this is me. And life is hard right now. For so, so many reasons.

But I have to keep going.

And here’s my next 60 seconds.

A hug and a disgusting kiss from a tiny little baby who means so damn much to me.

Watch it over and over.

The next 60 seconds.

Sometimes, that’s all you have.

So keep it going.

60 seconds at a time.

8 thoughts on “60 seconds at a time”

    1. That’s true. I’m trying to make the most of the ones that make me smile. But they all mean something. They’re all important.
      Things are just so freaking hard right now.

  1. Keeping you and your husband in my prayers! One minute at a time….

    P.S. Our power came back on (and woke us up, lol) in the middle of the night. So that’s good news!

  2. I’m not judging you, but I can’t not say this. Alcohol doesn’t really do anyone any favors. Doctors are always back and forth about that “glass of wine a day is good for you” idea, but aside from that and cleaning wounds, there isn’t much health benefit of it. I know the struggle of using alcohol to cope, but as far as coping methods go, it’s really bad at its’ job; it’s kind of like helping the pain of fresh stitches by rolling around in barbed wire. I don’t know what terrible news you got, but alcohol will not be your best friend for the future, and it isn’t even your best friend now. If I have one drink when I’m feeling depressed I feel worse. exercise, food, binge watching stupid tv, meditation, comedy shows, yoga. Seriously, anything but addictive substances (within reason) will help you better. Good luck. Hang in there.

    1. I know, that’s very true. Alcohol always makes everything worse. I’ve had a toxic relationship with it for a while now, and it’s something that had gotten a lot better up until very recently.
      But you’re right, it doesn’t ever make things better.

      1. Aside from alcohol being addictive, it also forms a habit and it’s really hard to break habbits. It may always be a back and forth struggle, but maybe rather than focusing on quitting alcohol, find something healthy to replace it with. Alcohol gives our brains a dopamine hit at first, and that’s generally what a person is craving when they think of a drink. When you’re having a bad day, your body wants to feel better so it is looking for dopamine. I my opinion we need to feed our bodies better sources of dopamine and the cravings for the bad source can be less and less. But, keep in mind alcohol can also have some pretty bad withdrawal symptoms that can be deadly so needing rehab for physical withdrawal symptoms is also a possiblity with alcohol and it isn’t always just “in our heads”. I hope some of this inforation can be useful to you. Good luck in healing and keep kicking ass.

      2. Yeah, all of what you said is very true and important. I’ve struggled with addiction to alcohol for a while now. It ebbs and flows in severity, and while it was pretty decently managed for a while, it’s gotten much harder to deal with as these intense life events have come up.
        I agree finding something to replace it with is incredibly important. I just have to find something that…works. At least a little bit.

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