I have a very different relationship with this Monday that I typically do with Monday’s. Usually, Monday is one of my preferred days of the week. But today, I freaking hate it. I guess I just don’t have therapy. Which…sucks. A lot. There was nothing scheduled, no reminder text, nothing. I don’t know if I’m […]
Just like that, all the “anger” fell way to massive self loathing and a pretty horrific depression. The dam broke, and all of the tape and glue holding me together for the past week just… came undone. And I realized that everything I’ve always thought about myself is exactly as true as I thought it
True emotions show eventually Read More »
I still don’t really know what I’m feeling. Or, maybe it’s not that I don’t know what I’m feeling, and more that I know exactly how I’m feeling…and I just don’t want to feel this way. Or that I think I shouldn’t. Or that I don’t want to feel this way. I’m having more trouble
Uncomfortable feelings Read More »
Imagine having anxiety, but doing it anyway. Imagine being afraid, but doing it anyway. Can you picture it? All of the fear, all of the worry, all of the pain and anxiety and all of the other…. And doing it anyway? Can you imagine the freedom that must feel like? Doing it anyway. I don’t
Imagine if you did it anyway Read More »
There is no one in the world you can count on. No one you can trust. You work for so hard, for so long, all in the name of learning how to trust. How to feel safe. Secure. How to feel okay. And for what? To be proved right time and time again. People leave.
Well hello there! If you haven’t heard from me in about a week, that’s because I have had basically zero internet or cell service! We (mostly) disconnected, and hung out on the big blue sea for the past 7 days. That’s right, yesterday morning we disembarked from our very first ever cruise! We did a
DISNEY WORLD!!!!!! Well, kind of. Let’s back up. 24 hours ago, we woke up and drove the 2 hour drive to the airport. We got the kids up at 4:30am to leave at 5. They thought we were going to a doctor appointment, a lot of their doctors are 2 hours away and we frequently
24 hours from now, if everything goes as planned today and the kids get cleared from their doctor this afternoon…we will finally reveal our super amazing surprise. My day couldn’t possibly busier today, and I’m absolutely freaking out about how stressed I am. But I suppose it’s the good kind of stress? I don’t know.
Excitement or anxiety Read More »
Well, we’re finally home from the hospital. We got home late on Sunday afternoon after I confidently expressed my abilities to care for Christian at home with all of the medical equipment and medications we have at home. They agreed, since he was seemingly hydrated enough to be off IV fluids by that point. I
The wins shouldn’t feel shameful Read More »
There’s a certain desperate loneliness that being in the hospital has to offer. It feels so dark and gloomy and isolating. It seems like I hit this wall with every hospital stay. Around the third day I just feel so…alone. It feels like the entire world suddenly weighs a billion pounds more, and it’s all
A heavy, lonely burden Read More »
