Tonight you won. Really, your battle began this morning. I’m wiped, I’m exhausted, and I’m hurt. So this will be short. I struggle to defeat you. It feels laughable to even consider it a possibility. Defeat may not, may never be a choice…..but perhaps an occasional victory could be? Tomorrow I’ll face the physical demons […]
Dear alcohol and the one who thinks he owns me, Read More »
“I’m happy. I’m sorry you’re sad, but I’m so happy that he has a good heart.” “They way that he speaks, I think they would be friends. I know that they are brothers, but I think they would be friends.” Those are both statements my husband made last night after watching the video of my
Dear son, I’m not strong enough for any more goodbyes. Read More »
I owe you an apology. Probably more than one. While you have certainly had your share of flaws and missteps along the way…this post is not about that. This past year…really the past 2 years now…have been the ugliest of my life. They’ve been brutal. You’ve seen the worst of me, you’ve picked me up
Dear Husband, I’m sorry for the past year. Read More »
Dear #1, Tonight is not a special night. It’s not a birthday, not an anniversary, not a momentous night by any means. But it is you who occupies my mind tonight. To be honest, you occupy my mind nearly always. But I don’t often allow the thoughts of you to grow. Thinking of you causes
Hey there, sleep. It’s been a while since we’ve been in sync, hasn’t it? I’ve not seen much of you lately. We maybe spent 3 hours together last night. And not much more any other thought this past week. But, sleep, you’re supposed to help heal me. You’re supposed to help me recover from the
Tonight, you’re telling me to drink more. And more…and more. You’re telling me that I’m not worth it. You’re telling me that I should give in, give up. You are trying to convince me that I’m not lovable, that in fact, my husband laying next to me is a liar for trying to convince me
Dear intrusive thoughts, Read More »
Dear nightmares, What will you bring tonight? What version of the world will you choose to inscribe within my mind? Do you have me screaming out in horror? Do you have me attacking the innocents sleeping soundly next to me? Why? Why me? How many more nights does my husband have to put up with
I saw your face today. Of course, never in the way I’d most hope to. It’s been a while. Of all the things covid took from the world, it took your precious face from me. Pictures became masked, adventures became nonexistent, birthdays became solitary. I have missed every moment from afar. I’d have missed them
