Usually, when things change for me, they change for the worse. But this time, I’m trying to be hopeful that we’re on an upswing instead. I haven’t had any alcohol since Thursday night. That means I’ve got 2 days as of right now. Tonight would be the third, but I’m not making any decisions about […]
I’m still struggling to find my footing in this new reality I find myself in. Ya know, the one where I lost arguably my biggest and most consistent support system out of literally nowhere and completely all of a sudden. It’s been really challenging thinking about the next. The forward. I very much feel stuck
It isn’t perfect, but it’s something Read More »
Well, we’re finally home from the hospital. We got home late on Sunday afternoon after I confidently expressed my abilities to care for Christian at home with all of the medical equipment and medications we have at home. They agreed, since he was seemingly hydrated enough to be off IV fluids by that point. I
The wins shouldn’t feel shameful Read More »
The past 3 nights, I’ve tried doing things a bit differently than I have been doing like, for more than half of my life. And while it’s been absolutely brutal and painful and basically horrible in most every way, I’m still going to do it. At least for now. You know how I’ve been feeling
Brutal but necessary Read More »
My week has been a series of rememberable and traumatic days and moments. Monday, terrible. Absolutely terrible. Just. No. Like, seriously the most memorable bad night in at least the past 8 years. The absolute and complete shit show that therapy was, then an hour later literally just dying? Still unclear if I was sick
Terrible, awful, baseline Read More »
It’s been…a hell of a weekend. Life is starting to catch up with me, and to be honest, all I want to do is drink. Like…all I want to do. I’ve managed to abstain from slipping back into some bad patterns, but it’s been hard. All day today, all I wanted to do was drink.
A Sunday fighting the urges Read More »
It starts with one drink. One, simple, weak, controlled drink. A seltzer, not even a real drink. I was grieving, I was sad. I deserve this. Then, it was two. Because one drink never stays one drink. Two seltzers. They don’t count. It’s not even a mixed drink. It’s not a cocktail. It doesn’t count.
It starts with one Read More »
The past few days, I’ve been having a pretty hard time again. It’s been 2 weeks or so since I’ve been to therapy, and I’m going back next week….But that 3ish week break since having the baby is the longest break I’ve had in a long time. And I really need to get back. I
It’s not his job to keep me sober. It’s not his job to make me happy. And it isn’t his job to make me okay again. There’s a little boy, he’s 6 days old now. And I love him more than anything. Not more than his brothers, but just as much. This little boy has
It’s not his job to keep me sober Read More »
My days of this temporary “normalcy” are nearing over. A few more days..a few more weeks, and everything is as it was. All I can think about is drinking. All I can think about is the way things were. Things were awful. It wasn’t fun for me, drinking how much I was. Waking up every
