The dark nights

Dear nightmares…

Dear nightmares…… Tonight, you will not get me. I feel you, I see you creeping up from the shadows. You’ve been the forefront of my existence for too long now. Your content has been all to real…nothing short of a horror moving featuring my real life. Tonight, I won’t let the fear of you drink …

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Done

I won’t relive the past. The present is torturous enough. The past holds too much pain. I refuse to combine the two. Accidental pressure leads to too much blood. I’m sorry. Emotional pain leads to more and more and more pain. Logic left behind, the lies of pain the only thing that remains. I upset …

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1 a.m.

It’s 1 in the morning. To be honest, I wanted to go to sleep hours ago. That’s what the physical side conveyed. But the rest spoke something different. It’s 1a.m. and we’re just now beginning the difficult conversations. Life, death, babies, houses…. All of the fortunate and unfortunate possibilities of our very near futures. Big …

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When words don’t define you…even though they might.

I hate committing to words. I always have. I don’t have depression, I’m just fucked up. Or, I don’t have trauma, everyone goes through this shit. “I wasn’t sexually assaulted. And I definitely wasn’t raped. Recently, or for years on end in past “relationships”. I’m not suicidal, I just want to die sometimes. (I don’t …

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When the nights force you to feel the pain you desperately try to avoid…

This is currently the story of my life. Everything can be going…as fine as it can be, I guess, but then the same thing happens nearly every night during the rough phases. My husband wants to go to sleep. I usually agree, because I’m exhausted. But then I start procrastinating, avoiding it at all costs. …

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