The dark nights

I don’t want to do what’s hard, I want to do what feels good.

That’s the phrase going around in my head right now. Like a child throwing a tantrum. I don’t want to do what’s right, what’s hard…what’s “good”. I want to do what feels good. What feels good right now. Not next week, not next month, I want to feel good right now. I want what’s easy, …

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No sheep to count

Another night, laying awake. While most people count sheep, she counts bad decisions. “Actions have consequences”. The words she reminds her son echoing in her head, as if she didn’t already know them to be true. It wasn’t a bad day. She didn’t do anything wrong or hurt anyone, she nearly never does. Yet still, …

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Dear universe…

Dear universe, please help me. I feel so scared and alone right now. Everything hurts and I feel like there’s no way out but…out. I’m losing ground in a battle that isn’t mine to win. I feel like I’m drowning, and instead of sending lifeboats, people are throwing rocks. Universe, I don’t ask of much …

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24 hours

Hour 1- 8:40pmI’ve already pushed it 1 hour and 49 minutes. The pain is intense. The headache, she shakiness, the pounding heart. I need to do this slowly. I need to taper. One drink tonight. I’m only 3 weeks, 1 day. I found out as early as possible to give myself the best chance before …

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Panic

Anxiety when it makes no sense. But really, if you look at it…it makes perfect sense. Anxiety when you feel useless. Anxiety when you don’t feel good enough. When you feel like no one cares. When all you feel is alone. Anxiety. Panic. Isolation.Fear. Whatever it feels like…whatever you call it…does it really matter? It’s …

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