Why do all the demons choose to confront me when the rest of the world is sleeping? Why do the nightmares threatening to overcome, prevent sleep from ever becoming a reality? Am I really so undeserving of the peaceful promise of sleep? It seems to come so easily for everyone else…yet for me, it’s an …
Dear universe, please help me. I feel so scared and alone right now. Everything hurts and I feel like there’s no way out but…out. I’m losing ground in a battle that isn’t mine to win. I feel like I’m drowning, and instead of sending lifeboats, people are throwing rocks. Universe, I don’t ask of much …
I’m not going to do it. But I really, really, fucking want to. I need to drink. It’s a need, it really is. It’s more than a want. I’m triggered, I’m hurting, and I want it to stop. I want the only thing that will make it better. People have a drink on occasion while …
I am feeling…particularly down tonight. I’m feeling every kind of hopeless that there is. I’m overwhelmed with so much fucking numbness and insane grief and pain all at once. Grief over the current situation that I’m in (my birth sons birthday coming up next week), and the future ones that I’ll endure (my kids likely …
Hour 1- 8:40pmI’ve already pushed it 1 hour and 49 minutes. The pain is intense. The headache, she shakiness, the pounding heart. I need to do this slowly. I need to taper. One drink tonight. I’m only 3 weeks, 1 day. I found out as early as possible to give myself the best chance before …
Anxiety when it makes no sense. But really, if you look at it…it makes perfect sense. Anxiety when you feel useless. Anxiety when you don’t feel good enough. When you feel like no one cares. When all you feel is alone. Anxiety. Panic. Isolation.Fear. Whatever it feels like…whatever you call it…does it really matter? It’s …
I’m can’t win, therefore I lose. Everything is twisted and dirty and cold. I want to drink it away. Nothing makes sense without the promise of alcohol. I quit. I give up. Universe, you win. The knowledge of the future is clear: but if drink this drink I might forget it. I’ll wake up and …
I reject the pain. I reject the past, and the promise of the pain that the future holds. I don’t want any of this. I’m not even sure what I do want…but I sure do know what I don’t want. Pain. What does that even mean? Can it be more than just subjective? Could anyone …
Dear nightmares…… Tonight, you will not get me. I feel you, I see you creeping up from the shadows. You’ve been the forefront of my existence for too long now. Your content has been all to real…nothing short of a horror moving featuring my real life. Tonight, I won’t let the fear of you drink …
The other night was….ptsd. It was straight up PTSD mixed with alcohol and fear. I fucked it up, I was actual hot shit, I was a disaster. That’s just what this shit will do to you. The other was rough and it was brutal. It was the manifestation of all of the suppressed thoughts and …