Yesterday felt…pretty much exactly like I expected it to feel. Just…pretty gross and pretty lonely. I’m struggling, but in ways that feel unexpected. I’m honestly struggling just to like, do the normal human being things. Like folding laundry. Or shaving my legs. Or eating a meal. And don’t even get me started on trying to […]
Sunday vibes hit so much harder now. I used to have a reason to look forward to the end of a Sunday. Sure, it meant the end of the weekend, but it led to a Monday. And Mondays used to hold hope for me. Mondays meant therapy, meant hope, meant support, meant a safe space
I have a very different relationship with this Monday that I typically do with Monday’s. Usually, Monday is one of my preferred days of the week. But today, I freaking hate it. I guess I just don’t have therapy. Which…sucks. A lot. There was nothing scheduled, no reminder text, nothing. I don’t know if I’m
Just like that, all the “anger” fell way to massive self loathing and a pretty horrific depression. The dam broke, and all of the tape and glue holding me together for the past week just… came undone. And I realized that everything I’ve always thought about myself is exactly as true as I thought it
True emotions show eventually Read More »
I still don’t really know what I’m feeling. Or, maybe it’s not that I don’t know what I’m feeling, and more that I know exactly how I’m feeling…and I just don’t want to feel this way. Or that I think I shouldn’t. Or that I don’t want to feel this way. I’m having more trouble
Uncomfortable feelings Read More »
Imagine having anxiety, but doing it anyway. Imagine being afraid, but doing it anyway. Can you picture it? All of the fear, all of the worry, all of the pain and anxiety and all of the other…. And doing it anyway? Can you imagine the freedom that must feel like? Doing it anyway. I don’t
Imagine if you did it anyway Read More »
There is no one in the world you can count on. No one you can trust. You work for so hard, for so long, all in the name of learning how to trust. How to feel safe. Secure. How to feel okay. And for what? To be proved right time and time again. People leave.
24 hours from now, if everything goes as planned today and the kids get cleared from their doctor this afternoon…we will finally reveal our super amazing surprise. My day couldn’t possibly busier today, and I’m absolutely freaking out about how stressed I am. But I suppose it’s the good kind of stress? I don’t know.
Excitement or anxiety Read More »
Well, we’re finally home from the hospital. We got home late on Sunday afternoon after I confidently expressed my abilities to care for Christian at home with all of the medical equipment and medications we have at home. They agreed, since he was seemingly hydrated enough to be off IV fluids by that point. I
The wins shouldn’t feel shameful Read More »
Well, here we are. The blog post that I did not necessarily want to write, but will do my best at anyway. Last night was my first brand new therapy session in years. Make no mistake about it, my therapist did not change, I still spoke with the same person I’ve been speaking with for
Change can be painful Read More »
