Did you know that the maximum volume of a 2023 Kia Carnival is only 45? And did you know, that in the throws of pretty extreme emotional distress, 45 is not nearly loud enough? Now, I’ve had some tough drives home from therapy. Drives when the music just HAS to be louder than the thoughts …
Sometimes, you find yourself in a situation where there are truly just no right answers. Sure, there may be a slightly less wrong one? But really, given the choices, you wish you just didn’t have to choose at all. Because no matter what you do, you’ll feel like it was the wrong choice. (At the …
Today is the last day of spring break here. And let me tell you, it has been a long week. My 6 year old will go back to school tomorrow, leaving me home with just my 4 year old and 5 month old. (Yes, he’s 5 months as of yesterday 😭). I will be glad …
I feel so lost. So broken, so alone. I want to reach out, but I don’t know how, or to who, or what to say. Grief is the most underestimated feeling on the planet. It fucking shows up and destroys you, no matter what you do to mute it’s effect. I ignored it. I pretended …
I have been struggling a lot these past few days. Laundry? That’s a hard nope. Drinking more alcohol, having darker thoughts, thinking about dying and self harm, even when I’m sober… Everything is hard. I don’t want to do anything. Like, at all. Letting the kids watch tv so they are quiet and not screaming …
Life has been an absolute whirlwind these past few weeks. My son starting school, my marriage being momentarily tumultuous, therapy being big and important and something I’m thinking about…just, like, having 3 kids in general… Yeah. I have more than enough on my plate to keep me busy and my mind occupied. However, something happened …
I’m having a hard time today, and I’m feeling very defeated. I feel strangely similar to how I did 8 years ago, after my son was born, and I had to say goodbye. I feel that way now. After what happened on his birthday this year, where it was made clear to me that yes, …
My son, who turns 5 next month, has just about the biggest heart you’ll ever see. As he’s getting older, he’s starting to ask me questions that i just…don’t know how to answer. Today I’m sending out the box with all my birth sons Christmas presents. (Which, due to the mail delivering my stuff to …
When your arms can’t hold him, so your heart does instead. Read More »
Hey, kid. I’m so grateful to be talking to you again in this sort of context. The last time I wrote to you, I was pretty upset over some “conversations” (?) that took place between your (adoptive) dad and I. The conversation wasn’t initiated by me, yet it left me feeling………so many things. Awful? In …
Dear #1, Tonight is not a special night. It’s not a birthday, not an anniversary, not a momentous night by any means. But it is you who occupies my mind tonight. To be honest, you occupy my mind nearly always. But I don’t often allow the thoughts of you to grow. Thinking of you causes …