Holidays are tough for me. Thanksgiving, specifically, is one of the worst. I grew up in an extremely cold, abusive and scary household, with the abuser being my sister. I am not at all a hateful person, but I can confidently say that hatred is the only feeling I have towards her. She is 9 …
Can I just like…yell into the keyboard for a second here? (Heads up: I’m going to curse. I can’t be genuine if I’m filtering myself, and I just need to be real for a minute here.) Can we start with a small level of honesty? I’m sort of struggling. More than sort of. This shit …
Let me be frank. Shit got Weird Saturday night. And not in a good way. As some of you might know, there have been a few times over the past couple of months that I have been sexually assaulted, with the worst offense being (raped but I really hate that word so I would really …
Hello again, alcohol. I did well these past few days with less of you, but I knew it was a temporary fix. Why would I need to drink when literally in “the happiest place on earth”? I had no need to. Not that one ever has a “need” for alcohol…but still. I drank to sleep, …
I thought it would be okay. It thought it wouldn’t happen again. But it did, and it happened worse. He touched me, he kissed me, he assaulted me. He put his hands on me. Under my clothes…inside me. These are not unclear circumstances, and I am not okay. If I was unclear before, if I …
He assaulted me again, and tonight I am not unclear. Read More »
Last week, something happened. I’m still not sure what to call it, how to classify if, but for arguments sake, let’s say it falls under the category of sexual assault. But I really don’t want to talk about it. That’s a lie, I desperately want to talk about it. But wanting to and knowing how …
No matter how much I want to, I’ll never be able to speak the words that my head is screaming. I’ll always be a disappointment. Burdened to carry the weight of the world myself. I need to get this away from me. I need to share the weight of it. This is crushing me, and …
“You’re future is worth sticking around for”. That’s the quote on my calendar this month. I laughed when I saw it. July is my birthday month, next week actually. I’m not a fan of my birthday, I’ve never been sold on the idea of celebrating me. I’ve never seen myself as worthy of celebrating. Not …
It didn’t happened if you drink enough to forget. It didn’t happen if you block it from your mind. It didn’t happen if you so convincingly tell yourself that it didn’t. It didn’t happen if it doesn’t seem like it even possibly could have happened. It didn’t happen if it seems like you’re making too …
You’re mind can’t fuck you if it’s silenced. The nightmares can’t scare you if they don’t exist. There’s no fear in closing your eyes if you don’t make the choice to close your eyes. Another drink will take it all away. Will strip you of your choice. Thank god. I can’t take another night in …