Every…however often it is…things seems to feel worse. The shift is subtle, and usually, no one would be able to tell. But there’s one area where the shift becomes incredibly blatant and apparent. I don’t smile, I don’t want to be touched, I’m not going to pretend to be happy for your benefit…I’m exhausted all […]
When physical touch makes you cringe Read More »
He asks me what I want, but I don’t want anything. He wants me to tell him what would make me happy, but I don’t know what that is. I just don’t care anymore. I can feel his love tonight. He even came home an hour early to give me somewhat of a break. He
Tonight you won. Really, your battle began this morning. I’m wiped, I’m exhausted, and I’m hurt. So this will be short. I struggle to defeat you. It feels laughable to even consider it a possibility. Defeat may not, may never be a choice…..but perhaps an occasional victory could be? Tomorrow I’ll face the physical demons
Dear alcohol and the one who thinks he owns me, Read More »
What do you do when no matter how hard you try, no matter how much work it seems like you put in…at the end of the day…it just doesn’t seem worth it? Like…I’m fucking struggling. I don’t want this! I don’t want the pain and I honestly don’t feel like I deserve it. Or maybe
Earlier this week my (almost) 5 year old said something really meaningful to me. It was nearing bedtime, by far the most stressful part of the day for me. Neither him nor my (almost) 3 year old were listening particularly well, and I was definitely starting to get frustrated with them. My son recognized that
Sometimes we all need to pause and take a breath Read More »
How vulnerable is too vulnerable? Does that answer change based on audience? Location? Or even content? What’s the level of vulnerability I can honestly portray, before you, the reader, become uncomfortable? Start to cringe…scroll past without reading? That doesn’t just go for blogging…but writing or speaking in any sense. Who am I talking to, who
How vulnerable is too vulnerable? Read More »
There is so much going on in my life right now, and it can all be summed up by 1 word – complicated. Every single aspect of my life has been defined by me and everyone else as “complicated”. My kids health? COMPLICATED. My past and trying to come to grips with that all while
How do you tell a story when you don’t even understand it? Read More »
Hey, you. (Yes, please do read that exactly how you think You should.) I’m not sure if you know this, but then again you probably do. I struggle a lot with vulnerability and honesty, and with actually being open with how I feel. You know this. Honestly, you know me the best out of probably
To my best friend: I’m sorry about that one night. Read More »
When you ask me how I am, and I tell you that “I’m fine, I always am”. Do you hear the sarcasm masking my screams of agony? When you ask if I’m okay (if you even ever do) and I give a snarky smirk and response of “hah. Of course I’m fine.” Do you ever
I wonder if you hear me Read More »
Well, I’ve sort of voiced who you all who he is. He’s a family member. He lives close by. Literally impossible to escape. Saturday evening began with him showing our other family members pictures of him and I from years ago. Him remembering all the ways in which we were close. When I was a
Choices I couldn’t make Read More »
