Dear anything, While I don’t know exactly what I need from you right now, I do know that it’s something. Anything. I need anything to keep going. An ounce of hope. A reason to believe things will be okay… An iota of stress being taken off my plate. Things are only getting more and more […]
For a Friday, this morning did not start off feeling like it had any kind of Friday vibes. Actually, this morning started out with a whole lotta bullshit. My sister, aka the actual devil, aka the one who horrifically abused me my entire life growing up, is coming to “visit” today for the next 3
It doesn’t matter what yesterday’s mistakes were. It doesn’t matter what you felt like last week or last month. If you’ve messed up along the way, if you wished you did a little better, if you’ve had a few missteps. None of that matters. What matters is right now. This second. And the one after
I’m sitting here in Provo airport waiting to board my flight home. It’s only 12pm now, but I have about 6 hours of travel ahead of me, and a time change, so I’m not looking to be home before 7pm. I’m exhausted and emotionally depleted, but in the best way possible I think. I have
Dear bullshit, Yeah, you’re everywhere. You’re loud and messy as fuck. You’re annoying, you’re obnoxious, and you’re relentless. But, you don’t win. You don’t get the final say. Things are messy and scary and…uncertain right now. For so many of us. I’m not special in my pain, I’m not alone in my battles and my
Remember that bad day I wrote about? Well, worst fears have in fact been confirmed. Unfortunately, I write this blog post from the (un)comfort of a hospital room, once again. My 7 year old has been admitted for left lower lobe pneumonia as well as aspiration pneumonia. Not exactly how I wanted to spend my
Another hospital saga Read More »
I’m stronger than I give myself credit for. I can do the hardest things that I’ve been so convinced are impossible. I’m better than my demons, I’m stronger than they try to convince me I am. I can, and have overcome every obstacle thrown my way so far. And believe me, they’ve been significant. I’m
I’m writing something, because something is better than nothing. There is such a huge disconnect between various different parts of myself right now. I feel, but I can’t think about it. I’m hurting, but I can’t acknowledge it. I desperately need people, but I’ll push them away fiercely instead. I need to write, but I
Writing isn’t my job. It isn’t a requirement. I don’t get paid, I don’t necessarily get anything out of it (other than organizing my thoughts and hopefully finding support)….and yet, I do it. Freely and willingly. Some days are harder than others. Sometimes I have more to say, and the words flow freely….and sometimes, I
It’s hard to tell a story you don’t like Read More »
It’s been a rough 24 hours. And the later it gets into the night, the more I’m allowing myself to feel it. I was actually in the middle of writing my tomorrow post. A little behind the scenes for you, I like to have my posts for the day done by 8:30am at the latest.
Will you feed my depression with chocolate and coffee and hugs? Read More »
