It’s still dark out, my husband has already left for work. An earlier than usual morning for him. I have to start my day and go get the kids up in a few minutes. Plastering on a smile and shoving my emotions down is the last thing I feel like doing right now. But I have to. Because for the next however many hours, it isn’t about me.
It’s about them. They’re the reason I keep going, even if it sucks. I’m not always perfect, I’m not even good half the time.
But still…as much as I want to crawl back into bed and just never get out again, never face the world and all the fucked up shit out there…
I keep showing up.
Life is hard. It’s oftentimes unbearably hard. And everything does hurt. But I’m stronger than all of that. I keep going because I have to. This season feels impossible to get through. There’s no doubt more on my plate than I feel capable of handling.
But for today, on a day where I wake up and feel so weak that I just don’t even KNOW how I’m going to get through it…maybe the best thing I can do is convince myself that I’m strong. Even if I don’t believe it….at least I’m trying to convince myself.
At least if I fail and feel horrible and weak and like giving up…I end my day with 2 hours of therapy tonight. At least that’s something to look forward to. (Or dread? Never quite sure about that.)
Today will be a good day and therapy will be great tonight. Yeah, let’s go with that.
Even if it doesn’t feel true…maybe it still will be.
Ah, therapy. Today is my therapy day also, and sometimes I really dread Tuesdays. Other weeks, I can’t wait. I am glad you will have the time to focus on YOU.
The fact that you are showing up for yourself and for others- you are a fighter. We tell ourselves that there’s no other choice, but I know people who have chosen to give up, to not be there for their kids, themselves. Instead, you choose to keep striving. Even when it feels like you are faking it. Sometimes it’s baby steps. It’s still motion. You’ve got this. 💚
I generally look forward to therapy, despite the anxiety it usually created. Then I’m awkward as heck for like the first 20 minutes, so that isn’t ideal haha.
That’s true. I guess I technically do have a choice, I know a lot of other people don’t necessarily show up to the best of their ability. Thank you 💙