I don’t like this picture. But it’s also my favorite.
It’s a telling picture, to say the least. It’s not an attractive photo of me by any means, I look exhausted at best. But it’s one that means the most to me.
What you can’t see from this angle is his little hand. He’s reaching behind my head and gently holding me there. Telling me to stay. Every so often he’ll look at me with his slightly stinky face (I call him my stinky boy…and he gets VERY offended if I say he isn’t my stinky boy) and kisses my face with a much too wet for liking kiss.
See…he doesn’t care how I look…. But he sure does care how I feel. I wish he wasn’t, but he is SO in tune with my emotions. He is so much like me in many ways, and I will do my best to raise him in all the ways that I wasn’t.
He is my #3…he is my baby…and he is my buddy.
Much like his name suggests…this boy is nothing but pure strength and courage. His will is fierce.
His body may betray him..but lookout. Holy moly. This kid will move mountains just by suggesting they do so.
He is strong. He is bold. He’s…well, he’s a bit stubborn. And I’d call him brave, and he certainly is. (But he also lacks some certain safety skills and I basically save his life on a daily basis. So…there’s that.)
I love him. And it is so easy to do.
Kids aren’t, and never should be, born with a job.
But holy fuck. I would be lying if I said that this boy wasn’t placed on this planet specifically for me.
He is special, and he has healed me in ways I never even knew were possible.
I understand him, and he understands me. Our bond is oftentimes wordless.
He tells me “I need you” and I know he means he just needs me to hold him so tightly and make everything okay again.
He isn’t even 3 yet. I know he looks like he’s barely even 1…maybe 2…but please. Don’t let his physical body fool you.
Besides the physical……this child’s ONLY obstacle in life is that I am more stubborn than he is. And thank God for that 😂.
He’s my baby. And he is so…so special.
(This is NOT to say my #2 isn’t…that will just have to be its own post 💙)
His names absolutely commands strength.
Phoenix Leo. Risen from the ashes, the embodiment of strength.
His body is imperfect, it’s weak…it’s confusing.
But do not let that fool you.
This boy is strong, fierce, loyal, and so, so incredibly special.
He is why I am still here.
For every moment that he holds me close, demands stillness and quietness and connection…I thank him. It makes me feel good that he is learning that those things are truly what is important.
I am so proud of him. And I am so proud that he is mine.
This morning I was sad. I didn’t say anything, I still went into his room and gave him the same “good morning stinky boy!” Greeting that I always do.
But he still knew. He sensed I was off, despite my best efforts of hiding it.
He looked at me and very seriously hugged me and said “I hug you mommy. You happy now?”
Yes. I was.
And I meant it.
He is fierce…but he is so gentle. I just can’t believe that he’s mine.
(Yes, he gets his curls from his dad.) 💙