I miss therapy

In a normal universe, today would be my therapy day. But in the holiday universe, I still have another week. UGH.

It’s been 2 weeks since I’ve been to therapy. It will be 3 weeks by the time I’m actually back. I hate it. I hate breaks and gaps and disruptions to my normal routine. I don’t handle change well and any time my normal schedule is messed up…it doesn’t do good things to me.

Not to mention that about 5,000 different difficult and stressful things have gone on these past few weeks…..it’s just been a lot.

I’m usually not so bold as to say something like “I miss” something like therapy…but I guess it is what it is. I do miss it, and I miss having really any sense of support or anyone to talk to about anything. Life is insanely hard right now and the only thing I know how to do to get through it is to drink.

I’ve definitely been drinking more lately and that’s not good. Because I was already drinking a lot. We’re definitely back in dangerous territory and that’s not a good feeling. I don’t like how I’m feeling right now. I don’t like where I’m headed, and I don’t know how to stop it.

All the kids are still sick and now the baby sounds like he did when he had RSV. His breathing is awful and I’m scared he’s going to need to go back to the hospital. Ugh. I hate this. I hate all of it so much.

It’s Monday, and tonight should be therapy. But it’s not. And that sucks.

My brother left today and that means I’m down a friend. Him being here is always my favorite part of the year. His visits means a lot to us. He’ll be back in May, so at least it won’t be a whole year until we see him again. I just…ugh.

And my parents are leaving tomorrow for over a week to go deal with my moms brother who recently died. They are having his funeral and my parents are responsible for going through his apartment and his things. Since we all live together, it will be weird not having them here. And I know the kids will miss them.

Normally, I’m very glad when they go on vacations, but this isn’t a vacation and I feel a lot of guilt and sadness about the reason they have to go.

Like I said, it’s a lot. It’s all a lot.

And I wish I had someone to work through it with.

I wish it was a normal Monday that ended with therapy.

3 thoughts on “I miss therapy”

  1. Sending love. I hear you. It’s a tough time of year as it is without the regular holding space being removed. I often wonder if therapists have any idea just how hard a 3 week disruption to sessions is. Hopefully you’re hanging in there. I’m literally crawling towards Monday – and hoping I can open up rather than shut down. It takes time to recover from breaks!

    1. Yesss. Opening up rather than shutting down will absolutely be the battle, I totally get that. I have such a hard time with transitions, going back after a break and such. It’s like I have to relearn how to talk, despite the fact that we’ve been doing this for 7 years 😜. It definitely takes time to recover from breaks. Glad I’m not the only one who feels that way

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