Darkness, tonight you do not win.

Oh, hello there, darkness. It’s you and I, once again.

Why do we always meet up here? On these quiet, dreadful evenings. It’s Friday, thank God, and this week has been…

Well, let’s not mince words.

This week has been absolute shit. For so many more reasons than one.

I’m glad I’m still here….I know that’s been questionable at best.

We’re fighting this fight. And this fight has been nothing less than barbaric to say the least. The past few weeks have taken the best of me, and the worst is yet to come.

But hey, darkness? Guess what?

For every night I survive you, for every moment of pain and torture I endure, I learn just a little bit more. I get to know you. I see you.

See, darkness, your weaknesses aren’t infallible. You have fragility and delicacy,..despite your attempts at masking them.

But we’ve been doing this dance for a long fucking time.

And I know you. I know me.

I’m going to pretend to best you…this darkness and this pain. And I will fail. The strength, the winning it doesn’t happen overnight. It will likely take years more to come.

But, the pretending isn’t for nothing. False strength is just that….it’s false. But it’s also strength. It’s an achievement to be able to fake it, and many days, I can’t.

But guess what, darkness?

Tonight, I win. Tonight, I didn’t have that one more “put me over the edge” drink. I didn’t let you defeat me.

Tonight doesn’t end with me crying myself to sleep with a drink in hand petrified of the hours to come.

Tonight, I’m telling you to fuck off. You’re mine tonight, darkness.

The pain is mine. And I will have a say in how we handle it. Not you.

The strength is fake, it’s temporary…it’s weak.

But who the fuck cares.

Tonight, I’m convincing myself that I win.

And that’s just as much of a win as any other.

5 thoughts on “Darkness, tonight you do not win.”

  1. when pretending as you call it, Alana, we can say, this is our choice. We choose light. Our choice is light. We choose, and what we choose we have, even if it takes a long time to get through some obstacles we have in the way. Our choice is all that matters, in the end.

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